"Dear
THIRD WORLD: PLEASE HELP the TRANSNATIONAL COPORATIONS OF THE FIRST WORLD
as we are IN A DEEPENING CRISIS!"
This is an appeal to third
world citizens everywhere. GIMMME THE MONEY!
Fork over the buckolas! Even as you read this, corporate executives
all over the world are having to cope with a bit of a crisis. Our frigging
naggy leftist activists won't let us do the ENRON
thing anymore. Dozens us were caught with our fist way up
the stockholders' butts. Some serious whoops, there. A lotta red faces.
We tried to explain. We corporations need to produce profit every year,
otherwise we will die.You tell me you wouldn't try Enron tricks if your
transnational corporation were biting the dust!
BUT ----Working off the UK/ USA and their friendly agencies, we have so far managed to stave off this crisis, by posing as helpers building large infrastructure projects like dams, in the third world and then by selling your your own water back to you (at a million percent profit,) but that got old fast as it got a lot of Venezuela type countries real pissed. We demanded the CIA get rid of these Fidelitos and they're working on it but then our own liberals got on our asses. . More recently we are moving into Eastern Europe too, so you can see we are getting desperate.Who in the frig goes to Eastern Europe if he can help it?
SEE WE REALLY FAVOR YOU, CARISSIMA THIRD WORLD, so HERE's HOW YOU CAN HELP:
We realise that you don't have much money (we made sure of that when we sent in the LOAN ARRANGERS), you know, the guys who waved billions of tax dollars under the despot's nose, he banked it in Switzerland and you bozos had to pay it back over fifty years, which you of course couldn't do. You're still working on the interest on the interest. And that drove you peons into massive inflation. Bolivia had 10,000% inflation one year! Then you got your resources plucked while we invaded, colonized with impunity, hired a few of you at our factories, giving the whole country rampant inflation. You know the usual rape, plunder and pillage, but THAT ALSO got old fast as the Loan Arrangers did a whistleblow thing, wrote BOOKS fergawdsakes! and then the American liberals studk their noses in a book got onto us and started making a helluva stink. Just like they're rattling the bars on the NAFTA GATT agreements that let us roam the Savannah like predatory tigers.
So we gotta mutate like any virus does, and figure out a new scam. We think we got it. What we need from you is your land, so we can grow our meat on it or build things on it. We sent in our front men. Ted Turner bout a million acres in Patagonia. Paraguay suited George Bush, --a million acrse for him, too. See, the kid aint' so dumb after all.
Nobody made a murmur and that was hopeful. So fork over the land please. This small sacrifice could make a big difference to the lives of thousands of overstressed executives and shareholders around the world, and could prevent a recurrence of the mass suicides seen during the financial crashes of 29 not to mention the ones in the seventies and eighties. Help us keep the sidewalks of New York Safe to walk on. Every little helps, so even if you only have a tiny small holding, you can be part of the solution.
HOW IT WORKS
Many political activists in both the west and the third world say that these big infrastructure projects are useless. This is not true. We need dams so we can build roads going to the dams. We need roads so we can make super quarries to get the road-building materials. We need super-quarries so we can build roads to the super-quarries, and open up forests to timber extraction. We need timber extraction so we can build logging roads, and we need logging roads so we can open up remote areas to make way for the bigger roads we need to build dams. And last we need your minerals, gold, uranium, tin, copper. We have a shopping list.
We realise this is all a bit complicated for a bunch of ignorant darkies to understand, so to help you, we have devised a plan called 'forced relocation', in which you get to move without having to worry about all the details.
COMING SOON TO A VILLAGE NEAR YOU
Yes, forced relocation is probably happening near you already. If not, don't worry, it will soon. But why wait? You can get involved right now, by moving in with some people about to be relocated, and joining in with their customary 'protest'.
Then we get to move you now, thus saving us the bother 
later.
If you don't know the address of your nearest forced re-location, our friends
the WWF (World Wide Fund for Nature) will probably be able to help, as
they are usually overseeing the set up of our greenwash 'nature reserves'
in the areas, and may even be re-locating tribes-people from a reserve.
Watch out for people planning serious insurrection or revolution though.
They could jeopardise the whole first world aid project, so report them
to your local government or compliant NGO office immediately. THANK YOU
for being so forgiving, I sign myself, 'getting
too damn near poor for one who's been fat and rich too long"