THE NEWBIE PC CLASSROOM & HOME MADE WEBSITE DESIGNER'S COMPLETE MANUAL for Dummies or how NEVER to need Bubba, the WEBMASTER AGAIN!
THIS is the TOTAL TYRO, NET NEWBIE'S WEB FIX, --EASY ENGLISH PAGE. Wherein we learn that PC's are a little more stupid than their owners! HOW TO FIX THAT STUFF you do not understand. Written by a real dummie.
Oh jeez, you don't need me anymore? DAMN!
Ten dummies like YOU, I make a living!
How to BUY a used PC for under 100$ (the logic of this article fails. If you can read this, you obviously HAVE a computer already.)
HOW TO BLOCK A FACEBOOK FRIEND
YOUR MOM WILL PUT YOU THROUGH COLLEGE, FOR TOTALLY FREE Which mother is that?
New! Your first week online, Get a decent FILE MANAGER. ZTREE!
HOW TO SAVE TEXT , which you FIND ONLINE, or in EMAILS
GET A GOOD TEXT EDITOR Free ONLINE DOWNLOAD! (SAVE EVERYTHING AS TEXT, it’s easy to share, read, email out)
I went to one semester of Trade Tech, put it
on a student loan, Now I fix PC's and undercut
all the other tekkies that make house calls!
NET ACTIVISTS’ TREASURE, THE TEXT EDITOR, HOW TO USE ONE
NEW! Punch up the Razzmatazz so that you SELL stuff off that WEBSITE
NEW! IF GOVERNMENT CLOSES DOWN INTERNET, TEN THINGS YOU CAN DO TO STAY IN TOUCH
HOW TO SEND 'LIVE LINKS' to pals in EMAILS. CLICKABLE URLS!
SEND files, information, published articles by email AS TEXT or HTM? http://www.luckinlove.com/sendtext.htm
NEW! How to clean your PC, DOS FILE MANAGERS are used for it, I prefer ZTREE. Speed up the machine!
NEW! WHY COLLECT ARTICLES on a WEBSITE? To ATTRACT ADVERTISERS IS WHY!
YOUR WEB SURFER COUNTER, your STAT COUNTER is important as you will have advertisers
NEWER! The software you need to run an INTERNET BUSINESS
BEST EMAIL CLIENT AND HTM COMPOSER OF ‘EM ALL? NETSCAPE BROWSER from 1995.
NSA/ CIA reading your E-MAIL? They just started reading mine. How you can tell if they are!
Think you're getting HACKED? Think you're DOING something that might prompt the GOV/ CIA/ NSA to hack you? THE U-3 SOLUTION!
HOW TO MAKE A WEBSITE WHEN YOU HAVE NO WEBSITE PUBLISHING SOFTWARE -- This classroom will allow you to have a website UP AND RUNNING in an hour. Perfect if there's no time to take a class and U-need to get a business up in CYBERSPACE. AT LAST, you can share information with the world, do a blog, feature your own writing and make it a big hit even create a MOONLIGHTING revenue source.
HOW NOT to design a WEBSITE, MISTAKES IDIOTS MAKE
COPYRIGHT OR COPY WRONG? USING BORROWED GRAPHICS YOU FOUND ON GOOGLE
How to attain SEARCH ENGINE VISIBILITY
How to do a Planetary CHARITY with a website and make a lot of money to do good with, but also cut yourself and a chum salaries, and do it LEGALLY! And save the world.
HOW TO LOAD YOUR WEBSITE, FTP FOR DUMMIES
HOW TO PICK A BROWSER. WHY NOT PICK ALL OF THEM?
FIREFOX BROWSER, THE NUMERO UNO. GET VERS 2 for WINDOWS 98 SE LIKE ME . Tried to download VERSION 3 MOZILLA, it broke my PC, had to throw it away. I LOVE ONE THING ABOVE ALL in its’ EMAIL MAIL FEATURE! IT REMEMBERS PASSWORDS AND GMAIL. YAHOO. AOL addies. Craig’s List used to ask your addie, so I had to make like FIFTY addies at all the top freebie email joints. But Craig changed and now you have to hand write it out every time. MAIL is the best of all. Combined with The MOZILLA BROWSER, GMAIL fills in the blanks for you! IMPORTANT when you do forty craigs list ads a day!
WRITERS, Tell me, you’re like me and you get your articles five ways.
1).WRITING THEM the old fashioned way, from scratch.
2.) Saving bits of research text you find online that inspires you to edit and rewrite them, and at end of article saying, ‘research from Joe Blow, Sally Silly, etc etc naming all the names.
3.) SAVE your own pithiest emails to friends where you philosophized or commented on current events by mailing a bcc copy to yourself, then you rewrite the text throw it into a big HTM piece.
4.) Cribbing from the big websites, locating info by GOOGLING, cut paste, insert, change a word here or there and not acknowledging who sweated to do all that, (tch tch really bad karma) So acknowledge who wrote it.
5,) You have the kind of literate friends who not only send you every article published at every worthy website –you know the kind of site--full of researchers, philosophers, thinkers journalists, writers but they send you their own ideas, comments, even articles. These you send on, list, use as half your article commenting in the rest. So you hang with the best people of our time.
If you do all that, it’s easy to WRITE PUNCHY WEBSITE ARTICLES THAT CREATE INFORMATION, EVOLUTION, CHANGE FOR YOUR READERS, and PUT THEM UP AT YOUR WEBSITE.
BE A PUNDIT, Not only HELP people but GET SOME RESPECT
MERCHANDISING YOURSELF, (the art of)
HOW TO HAVE AN UTTERLY KEWL SITE
BEWARE THE ILLUMINATI CODE! STICK WITH SIMPLE WORD PROCESSING SOFTWARE. Some of the EXOTIC WEBPAGE MAKERS USE SCREWY LOUIE CODE! Wanna see what it looks like? GIVE THAT ILLUMINATI WORD A CLICK!
HOW TO FIX A COMPUTER when you know ZIP, BUPKIS about anything! It’s easy! STOOPID HERE DID IT!
SPINRITE SOFTWARE will FIX A COMPUTER -- Your PC TEKIE will have a copy!
What is text? How to use it? Store it, stash it? TEXT TECH- being the secrets of how to clean up web text from emails, articles, and create a formatted article of that text. Now, you're ready to do a website.
HELVETICA FONT, THE ULTIMATE IN COOL TYPOGRAPHY
The day I found out I was going to be on JUDGE JUDY, my kid bought me a domain name, & I threw together the LUCK IN LOVE website! I just stated what was in my heart as a preamble and put a LINK to an old INDEX PAGE I had index 3. And BA BA BOOM! I was off to the races. Of course my URL NAME-DROPPING was caught by Judge Judy's film editor and was left on the cutting room floor. My daughter, Paloma, always a big spender, a gal who'd pay 5$ for a salad! (??) bought me a domain name. And pays 5$ a month for the site. Give the boys away. KEEP THE GIRLS
JOINING YAHOO LISTS is just as good as JUDGE JUDY for meeting thousands in one minute
NEXT, FILL YOUR CACHE or C DRIVE with GOOD SOFTWARE. HOW TO GET USED 'SHAREWARE' OR 'ABANDONWARE', CHEAP FROM SOME UNDERGROUND BUSINESSMAN with an ad at EBAY. I used to have DAN THE MAN, the PREMIER VENDOR of USED STUFF IN THE WORLD! If it ain't nailed down, DAN had it! Ask him for the manual that goes with the WEB SITE DESIGN SOFTWARE. Now is the TIME to DESIGN WEBSITES as they pay 30k PER SITE for design.
NEXT, do the INTERNET thing. Start dropping in at fabulous blogs, writing to your new pals who become your clients. Start up friendships. DEVISE SOME TRADE BEADS. Send garden seeds, buy used books. Stay in touch. For that you need a good EMAIL CLIENT, one that holds your chums' names in alphabetical order, allows you entry to sketch in details on them, (sister is in prison, hubby a plumber) stuff you might otherwise forget. And last, you build LISTS. The GARDENER list the POLITICAL LEFTIES list. I'd hate to bore my frugal living list kids with my POLITICIAL CONSPIRACY THEORIES BUSTED letters.
I have only found one EMAIL CLIENT I like: the one inside my browser, NETSCAPE VERSION 4.7 ca. 1995. You don't surf the web with this old browser, as at times, it crashes when it meets java or other high tech stuff but it has a superb mail client. Collates by sender, size, date, subject line. Very very important. I hear EUDORA has that kind of a lean, mean-machine mail client ....only it costs a few bucks. I never used it, myself. Now I’m using Net ver 4.5 .. google it with term ‘free download.’
JUST IN.NETSCAPE BROWSERS everywhere SEEM TO BE DYING. THERE’s
A NETSCAPE PLAGUE OUT THERE. Is this BROWSER WARS? Did NETSCAPE PULL SUPPORT so
all our BROWSERS CRUNCHED? Or have I got an NSA HACKER? Was my NETSCAPE DAMAGED
BY THE CIA, or was it an A.C. turned on suddenly?
WHY GMAIL AS A FREEBIE MAIL BOX
WORKS (IN ANY BROWSER),
BUT WHY MOZILLA FIREFOX as a browser HAS SPEED, REMEMBERS PASSWORDS AND IS BEST! GET 'EM BOTH FREE! Combine them. I have GOOGLE as my HOME PAGE, combining THREE great softwares!
MY OLD NETSCAPE BROWSER JAMS ALL THE TIME, WHAT's UP?
HOW TO PICK A SERVER. FINDING AN ISP.
HOW TO PICK a GOOD BROWSER. Hey, WHY NOT PICK ALL OF THEM?
The spy Inside our PC. As activists we fear being noticed. There's a
way now, not to be!
TO BE AIR TIGHT! INPENETRABLE!
Don’t give the NSA any clues. BCC YOUR EMAIL LISTS. HOW TO’s& WHYto’s
DESIGN MY OWN WEBSITE? EASY? SHOW ME HOW.
HOW TO HAVE A SIZZLING HOT SELL OFF A WEBSITE!
TEMPLATE FOR CONTENT AS WELL AS DESIGN of your WEBSITE
HOW DO I PICK A WEB HOST?
DO I NEED TO WORRY ABOUT COOKIES? What should I KNOW about them? Besides they rot teeth, make me fat and diabetic.
BOOKMARKING THE NIFTY SITES
GET THE KIDS TO DO YOUR WEBSITE. JUNIOR PICASSO!
ONCE YOU MASTER WEBSITE DESIGN, LEARN PHOTOGRAPHY, SEE WHY. ZE MEGA BUCKS!
ABSOLUTE BEGINNERS: Always get a set up done by a pro while your machine is still in the box, put out feelers to find a college web savvy P.C. tekkie. Often these student geniuses will do unpaid projects for school credit... I run ads in Craig's and on the university websites in my city. Foreign students are particularly hungry for resume entries and they have AWESOME work ethic if you can communicate with them. These Africans, Asians really know their PCS. I make them a fabulous meal to pay for their time. If that seems too little, I give them a box of homemade real butter cookies to take home to last a week and say, when they run out, come back and we’ll do another study night, dinner etc, and another box of cookies --POME on this subject:
Great tekkies abound
House calls if you need ‘em !
You just gotta advertise
that you will sumptuously feed em
I get these brilliant boys
to show up at my door
promising roast beef,
cherry pie and oh much more .
No charge do they levy,
they're blissful as hell
to chug down that cuisine
which I can do so well.
Put word out with chums
you need reliable aid .
You don’t want lame ass bums
nor guys who must get paid.
Feminine charm and warmth,
kiddies oh so cute
they get a new gal pal
(though a little long in the tooth!)
It's the AGE of AQUARIUS~
One God helps ANOTHER.
And the Tekkie who knows PCs
is my own truest brother!
So return to the top and again review OUR QUICK SOLUTIONS FOR TECH PROBLEMS DEPARTMENT or "WHAT TO ASK THE TEKKIE AFTER HE DEMOLISHES THE CHERRY PIE AND COLOMBIAN COFFEE" Show him any article here that you don’t understand. I wrote them so beginners can wade thru them but if you can’t, bring the tekkie to this screen, show article to him.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
If you liked the WEBSITE (MAKING) FOR DUMMIES page, and the PC TECH for DUMMIES page, you probably should get the FUTURE INDEX (horrors headed to our shore,) and I would love to own the SURVIVAL INDEX PAGE, (which is the FIX for those horrors.) I understand that each is a large COLLECTION of seminars featuring 2 to 10 dozen articles. These are QUICKIE PHD's in your EMAIL BOX, SEMINARS that make SENSE!. I want a few different trainings. HOW TO MAKE an underground COTTAGE INDUSTRY, which is the GUERILLA CAPITALISM SEMINAR, right? How about MONEY SECRETS and for my beautiful daughter, the LUCK IN LOVE, How to MARRY VERY WELL a training with the RUTHLESS RULES OF ROMANCE. That sounds useful. 150 files in it, right? And send the hilarious JERRY'S REFRIGERATOR the CONSPIRACY THEORY WEBSITE with TIPS ON HOME SECURITY, FENDING OFF FUZZ and the Tin Foil Hat collection of theories about what's really going on. Something I definitely want! THE HOLISTIC PREVENTION ARCHIVE which is HOW TO HEAL ANY body CONDITION & prevent genetic family tree maladies from arriving. I hear it's very useful and that I'll never need another doctor or HMO if I get it, so SEND IT. Write me astrology at earthlink net and I will send them all. FREE
<------ BACK TO THE MONEY INDEX PAGE
<------ BACK TO THE GUERILLA CAPITALISM INDEX
<==== BACK TO Jerry’s REFRIGERATOR, CONSPIRACY THEORIES