A FOOL AND HIS FARM ARE SOON PARTED. The STORY OF HIPPIE HARV- An Internet pal, Harv ---wrote me that he had this great idea: "I have a dream. I would like to purchase some of the available land around here that is laying fallow. I want to get a garden co-op going that will be manned by volunteers in exchange for all the vegetables they can use for themselves as well as relatives. I realize it will have to be pretty well coordinated but that will iron itself out. Some of the excesses will be sold to make it pay for itself and the rest of it will go to families of needy children. I think that in the very near future we will be seeing a whole new way of life on earth where the greed will no longer be in existence and people will have more genuine love in their hearts for their neighbors. This will all be done organically and the only profits received will be self gratification in what we have done to help humanity. There will be a million things to work out but there are people around better mentally equipped along those lines than I am. Okay gal, what do you think? Does this sound like an impossible dream?"
"YEP!" I wrote him back and I wrote what you see below. I also sent a copy to LIZ, the last lady who tried it, but she'd lost her internet server after the Bankruptcy and the email came back.
TEN REASONS WHY AN ELDERLY WHITE MAN CANNOT RUN AN AGRICULTURAL COOPERATIVE ON HIS BACK FORTY and invite SERFS TO MOVE IN & PLOW IT:
10.) NOT ENOUGH LAND FOR THAT MANY PEOPLE! In Harv's case, there were two acres, not forty, If there were forty, he could maybe do it. I wrote him: "It takes a village to raise a child and it takes an acre to feed a family . FORTY ACRES could maybe feed enuf of your planned tenant farmer serfs and allow these fools space to make the huge but quite necessary compost piles, (who owns them of all these serfs? I happen to be very possesive of my compost, won't give a dollop of it to my pals who need soil. Make them go buy Home Depot 6$ a bag stuff.)
And which man's labor dug all those big tree holes? And whose compost fills holes for expensively valuable baby apple trees, orange trees, etc, apricots, cherries and who bought THOSE? And who came and looted the fruit who maybe didn't fill the hole or buy the tree, huh? Lotta footprints thru that patch.. LOTTA work for ten feet of land each man. Lot of investment, too. Sounds like a lot of internecine cranky DELIVERANCE kind of shooting match is soon goin' on there so get a bullet proof vest!
9). PRIVACY, PRIVIES and BARE SKINS! When you see all those poor folks comin' up the lane to your property with their little bare root fruit trees and their little manure sacks, you are gonna have this impulse to get a shotgun! They are coming morning, noon and night. You can't PISS in your yard any more so many folks are comin in with shovels. No sunbathing in summer al buffo. And who's looking in your windows when you're buffo in summer watching TV!? And what about you watching their 16 year old daughter? Those last two WOULD MAKE ME NERVOUS and I'm just a sixty year old GIRLIE with ESTROGEN instead of TESTOSTERONE which YOU GOT, HARV! Maybe still a little? Civil suit on your touching a sixteen year old would take the farm. And what if.....some little 16 year old peon steps on the hoe and gets a bump on their noggin? LAWSUIT TIME! BIG TIME! And soon little peon waif and her mama and papa will OWN your land.
8) NEIGHBORS! Unless your neighbor is single and still a potent stud of an ole cuss, and unless some of those peasants have pretty girlie younguns, that many folks comin up the lane to stick holes in YOUR LAND is gonna seem like ENDLLLESSSS NOT SO SWEET CHARITTTTY! Your neighbors are going to call the fuzz on you. What's in it fer HARV? In truth, verry soon, passing the key to the back forty to the lumpen proleteriat is soon gonna seem Like a weird idea that ran seriously AMOK! IN YOUR HEAD! And your neighbors will agree with me!
7.) PROPERTY IS NOT THEFT. THEFT IS THEFT! SAY ALL THESE landless DOLTS actually plant stuff that grows. And say you tell them it has to be sold to pay for X what ever it was you said. CHARITY. To HELP THE FOODLESS. Or I think you said the families of hungry children. And say that this guys' turnips are HIS in his view and they can't go to any other foodless families of hungry children but his own foodless. And say this other guy comes with a shovel and maims the child of the guy with his own foodless. Soon a whole hillbilly hell war broke out on your back forty and the survivors are all suing your butt for negligence. THINK IT OUT HARV! LANDOWNERS can't invite the pissants in without making them go thru an airport security check for shovels with sharp edges! Making them sign waivers for lawsuits, too!The Security and Notary costs will be thru the roof!
6.) KIDS UNDER FOOT AND I DON'T MEAN BABY GOATS! Say you gotta hot date. I know you're old but say some gal is making Thanksgiving dinner for your lucky butt and you two kissy pissy ole geriatrics are swizzling chablis on the front porch while the hen bakes and then this parade of hillbily goons comes up the path to dig out a few measly turnips for THEIR thanksgiving and their waif children are all clotted around the porch smelling the turkey bake. YOU BETTER LOVE CHILDREN Harv, cuz they're all gonna be making fingerprints on your wallpaper with your turkey grease and your hot date is gonna run screaming down the walk to her Pontiac with a cherry pie under her arm and her framed photo under the other.
5.) SOMETHING CALLED OWNERSHIP, HARV. They gonna pay 20$ at HOME DEPOT
for a tree and plant it on your land? Don't think so Harv. Poor folks don't think that way. THEY KNOW rich landed gentry don't lettum grow their charity stuff long. Wednesday's WISH is Saturday's RUE. So they are gonna make YOU pay for each and every TREE and Berry bush.
4). FAMILIARITY IS NOT THICKER THAN WATER! Say you're NOT as venal as I so wittily and SUSPICIOUSLY dream. Say that you are totally a saint, say the Catholic church doesn't know about how good you are but one day they will and you will become SAINT HARVE THE FIRST and you really are way way up to canonization levels. SAY you let these horrid crowds of filthy hungry folks come to your house every day and dig and seed and weed. Their pups pooting your lawn, etc. FIFTY YEARS FROM NOW when you are VERY OLD, do you see them helping you pick up the crutch when you drop it? Do you see their offspring, well fed and roly poly helping you get out of bed so you can aim at a chamberpot? You do? And you never got irritated at their poor muddy asses and feet and wearing a hole in your best lawn and they never got mad and thought of murdering you? Hey, harv. WHO TOLD YOU THAT YOU SHOULD TAKE LSD and have these fantasies at your age? That's a no no. THESE SERFS of yours ARE GONNA SEND YOU A CHRISTMAS card IF YOU ARE LUCKY. And you're gonna die pissed that they didn't love you like family when you were the landlord to them. And every dollar they passed to you they hated you for.
3.) NOISE. Dawn, day and afternoon and eve. NOISE. Screaming. Laughing. Hooting. Hollaring. FIGHTING, DIGGING, SHOVELS HITTING HEADS. What if they get cars and the boys like manly rites of passage like speed racing?
2) FERTILITY. One little word for such a big thing. Think little peasant kids ensemble all day and littler kiddies getting conceived ---NATURE is so 'FERTILE' and rougish when she's rampant out in the yard, on the back forty in the front forty in the meadow, under the tree, under bush? Think a lotta little babies getting named in lawsuits and your name in each complaint. Some maybe tagged with your last name so they can inherit YOUR land.
1.) LAST REASON? CLEAN GROCERIES are available at barrio markets for half the price of supermarkets. NOBODY pissed all over them. No disease or microbes. No fertility, noise, no Wednesday Wishs as Saturday rue, no battles, no guns, no shovel marks in your forehead. Just nice clean string beans. Steam, a little butter, go watch TV. Silent yard during the day happy man eating his string beans at night. I got some great stringbeans harv, barrio market, .79c an lb. Enuf for 3 days for 38c.
REASON ZERO- HUMAN NATURE! SOME would work hard, and like the Little Red Hen, the lazy ones who DON'T work, would expect just as much as the ones who DID work! An idea like this MIGHT work....if all people thought and acted the same- but THEY DON'T!!!! Some lazy slob would "forget" it was their day to water....and the concept of sharing labor on a farm to make it Paradise on Earth would so miss the target, you'd want to go to the real Paradise in Heaven just to get away..
AND THE BOTTOM LINE FINAL REASON not to let the POOR HIPPIES FROM THE CITY SHARE YOUR HOME? ? HARV? Because NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED!
OK You still want to live on a farm in a commune? Study the best INTENTIONAL COMMUNITY in AMERICA, Stephen Gaskins' THE FARM in southern Tennessee.
Our POSTER is ANITA SANDS HERNANDEZ, Los Angeles Writer, Futurist and Astrologer. Catch up with her websites TRUTHS GOV WILL HIDE & NEVER TELL YOU, also The FUTURE, WHAT'S COMIN' AT YA! & HOW TO SURVIVE the COMING GREAT DEPRESSION, and Secrets of Nature, HOLISTIC, AFFORDABLE HEALING. Also HOW TO LIVE on A NICKLE, The FRUGAL PAGE.* Anita is at firstname.lastname@example.org ). Get a 15$ natal horoscope "my money/future life" reading now + copy horoscope as a Gif file graphic!
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