This is an appeal to third world citizens everywhere.
Even as you read this, corporate executives all over the world are having
to cope with an ever-increasing crisis. The corporations need to produce
more profit every year, otherwise they will die.Working via western
governments and aid agencies, we have so far managed to stave off this
crisis, by building large infrastructure projects like dams, in the third
world. More recently we are moving into Eastern Europe too, so you can
see we are getting desperate.
HOW YOU CAN HELP
We realise that you don't have much money or food, or land to grow it or water, (we made sure of that), but we have lots of that already. What we need from you is your land, so we can build things on it. Mines, Oilwells, Roads, Ports, office buildings. This small sacrifice could make a big difference to the lives of thousands of overstressed executives and shareholders around the world, and could prevent a recurrence of the mass suicides seen during the financial crashes both those in 1929 but the unknown ones in the seventies and eighties. And it will prevent CEO's doing the ole ENRON so nakedly and getting 24 yrs in the slammer! Every little bit helps, so even if you only have a tiny smallholding, you can still be part of the solution!
HOW IT WORKS
One way it works is we just bulldoze your home. Most of you congregated
about the edges of the city are squatting, anyway. According to UN-Habitat,
the Nairobi-based agency that concerns itself with the urban environment,
hundreds of millions of the world's poor are technically illegal
squatters living in slum communities like those in Harare, Zimbabwe,
and thusly are liable to be moved on by private landowners or by governments.
Which MUGABE has been doing there. In the past five years, slum clearance
programmes have forced more than 150,000 people out of their homes
in Delhi; 300,000 people were evicted to make way for Olympic sites in
Beijing; 100,000 were moved on in Jakarta; 250,000 were forced out
of dam sites in India; and as many as a million in Lagos and Port Harcourt
in Nigeria. There are many more. Yet those who like to call themselves
"the international community" say nothing about these mass evictions and
the world's press has been mostly silent. For the World Bank to condemn
the Zimbabwean evictions was particularly rich. According to its own calculations,
the bank has funded projects that have required the eviction of at
least 10 million people.
Many political activists in both the west and the third world say that these big infrastructure projects are useless. This is not true. We need dams so we can irrigate the fields of our big agribusinesses which have moved there. We need to build roads going to the dams. We need roads from the fields to the airports so that food can be shipped to the first world. And roads so we can make super quarries and mines to get the road-building materials. We need super-quarries so we can build roads to the super-quarries, and open up forests to timber extraction. We need timber extraction so we can build logging roads, and we need logging roads so we can open up remote areas to make way for the bigger roads we need to build dams and haul the logs to the airport to fly them to us in the first world. And collaterally make deserts of third world countries as ancient man did to the Sahara..
We realise this is all a bit complicated for a bunch of ignorant darkies to understand, so to help you we have devised a plan called 'forced relocation', in which you get to move without having to worry about all the details.
COMING SOON TO A VILLAGE NEAR YOU
Yes, forced relocation is probably happening near you already. If not, don't worry, it will soon. But why wait? You can get involved right now, by moving in with some people about to be relocated, and joining in with their customary 'protest'.
Then we get to move you now, thus saving us the bother later. If you don't know the address of your nearest forced re-location, our friends the WWF (World Wide Fund for Nature) will probably be able to help, as they are usually overseeing the set up of our greenwash 'nature reserves' in the areas, and may even be re-locating tribes-people from a reserve.
Watch out for people planning serious insurrection or revolution though.
They could jeopardise the whole first
world aid project, so report them to your local government or compliant
NGO office immediately.
THANK YOU IN ANTICIPATION I sign myself, 'getting too damn near
poor for one who's been fat and rich too long" 