I
just sit here all day zoning, waiting for folks to send
in a few bucks for a month of my Mommy's services. Ain't happened yet.
I don't get it! She gives you the Daily, Hourly Horoscope PREDICTIONS,
the STAR POWER MAP OF THE MONTH HOURS and nobody sends so much as a fiver
and this lady has PAYPAL as
astrology at earthlink dot net so
you can sure figure that out and DO IT. (Wait a sec, there's
Tom's sport show. I LOVE that show. I can't see why Roseanne Divorced this
guy. He is the best thing on the Tube!)
Ummm, where were we? OH YES, you gotta send a PAYPAL or CHECK TIP to my MOM to get the stars now! I'm the payment arranger. Pablo's the name. A dollar's my game. See, a buck buys me three cans of that creepy Generic Dog food from Krogers or the fatwad she buys at the 99c store. Lard I call it, as if that were not my middle name. But I eat it and so do the others. If you'd pay her two bucks, she'd go get turkey burger raw and cook it with carrots, Swiss chard and garlic. I LIKE that recipe! We all do. I can't tell you how many others here cuz of local Pound restrictions take it from me, there are PUHLENTY! Anita hasn't got this NEUTERING thing quite down yet. (hehe!) More's the pity cuz some of these kitties are babes!
SO SEND the poor human lady a PAYPAL donation or a mailed in check and you get the dailies free, well next to free. Hey, I'm easy. And you know Anita, she's EASY. Trust me on that one. I've been lying here pissing on her rugs for I don't know HOW long and she tolerates me. But she says she gets her knickers in a twist when PEOPLE piss on her. She expects more of her human friends, you know, you readers out there, steering your life with the 20 hrs a week she gives to this StarPower Map of the Month document she does each Saturday and SUNDAY while you're out jiving. She sez, if you had a waitress twenty hours would you stiff her?
I know. Everybody loved the freebie all those years. I more than anyone understand the joy of the Freebie but well, the buck stops here. I'm Pablo the Payment Arranger. You are now supposed to click on PAY PAL DOT COM only YOU MUST KNOW to whom the buck goes. For whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee. THE paypal cat RECOGNIZEs the ole gal as astrology AT earthlink. dot net. So use that secret code & send a personal check made out to ANITA's Cats at 7900 ZELZAH AVE., RESEDA CALIFORNIA 91335, and Mommy will give you the Star thingie every Sunday nite in your email box prompt as can be.
You'll see! Instead of being out-exchange, ship wrecked on the shoals of karma, your luck will change OVERNIGHT. Instead of the troubles, woe, poverty you've HAD, *(initiating during DUD DAYS like an uninformed dummie) you will get wealth, love and the joy of knowing which end is UP --- from hour to hour. Meanwhile, read THE amazing, unique, GUERILLA CAPITALISM WEBSITE, which will help you surf through this week without your usual stars, until the check clears. Just kidding. TELL me you sent it, I give you star URL by return Email. I'm a good kid. LOOK AT ME! Just thirsty and hungry is all!
Signed, Pablo,
the Loan arranger (hic) did I say that? I mean the PAYMENT
arranger.
OK Commercial's over. The Tom Show is back on. I'm outta here.
HELLO, it's CATUCHA Cacahuate! Please ! I am so hungry! 
I can't stand eating this kibble junk. Give me the lardy meat from 99c
store. Or the turkey and carrots home cooked by the ole gal herself. Or
the l0lb bag of chicken quarters. Puhleeze. A baby kitten's got his caloric
requirements. You know, growing bones and all? I know, kibble is better
than that damn swiss chard she gave us for a while, or the chicory tops,
yuk! She won't eat it, why does she think we will? If Cats were
meant to eat CORN meal and greens, we'd have all been born in ATLANTAGEORGIA
fer cripes sake! HELP I'm being held prisoner in a KIBBLE FACTORY!
sign me "Catuu-cha
Cacahaute", female kitten seeking a better and
more prosperous home! Born under the sign of Aquarius, favorite entertainer
is PINK, I'm anti-war,
humanitarian, I spit out and relocate mice. Very peaceful. Barely need
to eat. But this is overdoing it! HELP! RESCUE ME! Send my mistress a check
or go to PAY PAL DOT COM
say donation is for astrology@earthlink.net and
leave a few bucks, get your free weekly stars Every Sunday Night for a
whole year 7 days at a time and it's done for your life in HOURLY neat
little pie slices and she posts it online at a different URL each week.
You wanna ask her for the URL. I'm just a kitten, what do I KNOW?