LEARNING TO INVEST --A PORTAL TO AN ALIEN WORLD

WELCOME, I am YODA, your STOCK GURU, sitting here at this PORTAL to what you might feel is an alien world but I promise to make it seem just like home. I am the voice of Experience and I am here to show you how easy it is to run a check on a corporation and decide if you want to invest that tiny wad of bucks that you saved last week ..perhaps by cooking your own DINNERS, wanting regular TV instead of cable, and mending your old jeans.

Your planet has  a Truly Made in the Shade Crap market right now, thanks to the Tech Wreck and Enron and the Wall Street Meltdown. For you, that's GOOD! GALACTIC Experience tells one that one should never buy high! We cannot follow the lemmings who saw this huge TSUNAMI MARKET PEAK in Spring 2000, and NOBODY SOLD. They just stood there with their shares like DEER in the headlights and to mix metaphors, all went hurtling over the cliff in a well-publicized bull market. BULL SOMETHING but not a market!! Any sensitive investor FELT the crash coming, HEARD the rush of the waterfall up ahead. Almost could make out the shadow of ENRON on the horizon!

My CO WIZARD, ANITA SANDS, did! This reputable, sincere starlady gives these free star dailies which warned everyone, get out of the MARKET by END if MARCH 2000 predicting the APRIL NASDAQ TECH WRECK. Her daililes read that way all WINTER, saying "THIS APRIL get out of stocks! March is better!"

The secret of making BUFFET BILLIONS in stocks is to wait for just such a time as we have now, a lucky chance time when the entire market is LOW, and very flattened. TROUGH. TOTAL WINTER. TRY GLACIER AGE. You know what that means it means SPRING will not be far behind! The market has truly bottomed and foot dabblers, even amateurs like you and I, could get very lucky.

Every dollar invested now could become TWENTY in the future. True it's not stock that yields earnings of 8% a year, like in the old days cuz all the CEO's are ENRON to the knees. No, it's a horse race, the payoff is the fluctuating stock price. BUY LOW, SELL HIGH.  So what's the harm if it's extra money?

Warren Buffet didn't have moral or metaphysical objections to the horse race nature of the market. He created his own hedge fund, starting from zero and became one of the several richest men in America. So get off your moral high horse. Come down in the Wall Street trenches and do it with a small amount, 500$.Not small enough? $200, then.

If you now waste cash on candy, movies, lotto, DVD's new toys, meals out, stop. DIET! Take that surplus cash and put it in stocks. MAKE THE ST. TERESA ENERGY BAR for your family once a  week. CLICK ON URL you get RECIPE! Cook your own 59c a pound chicken in your kitchen, or cheaper still, create burgers of  tofu (Get Anita's fantastic recipe for TOFUBURGERS which feeds ten people for a dime each) and stick the extra cash in stocks!) The tofu burger tastes better than meat, cuz of those almonds, onions, cilantro, celery seeds and cornmeal mix and doesn't give cancer, is full of DHEA which youthens you, natural plant hormones and the ten bucks a day you save on meals is 300$ for stock purchases A MONTH, that may be worth 30 thousand one day soon, so what’s downing a few home made meals, when you’re upping your retirement fun? Huh? The words PARIS, TUSCANY whisper anything to you?

Without pulling my suspenders unduly, may I confide that Little Anita  predicted the APRIL 2000 crash and had all her people out of it a month beforehand. She offers a free DAILY ASTRO NEWSLETTER, free at http://home.earthlink.net/~astrology/star.htm where you can follow the market along, 365 days a year. She recommends that you pick a DIAMOND DAY and gives you those. Say in your free dailies, you get this SUPER DIAMOND DAY. THEN you study stocks at http://www.mffais.com/ Or, what you do is, you go to http://www.hoovers.com/global/ipoc/  site & see what IPO emerged at that hour. Or as there are so few IPOS, find the ones that are emerging and give Anita a phone call,  NITES ONLY, at (818) 774-1939 and tell her the stock's HOUR OF EMERGENCE. If it's a JUPITER day, you Buy that one. That was how she picked KRISPY KREME DONUTS as a good stock, from the pretty peppy hour it ‘emerged.’ and that one tripled! Though years later when world went no-carb, it crashed and burned. So is that simple, or what? Or, give her the data on when it emerged, and she'll look at stars that day.

Yogi Bhajan said of this lady, "STOCKS are her thing!" It is so. Anita studies star cycles and understands: the Stock Market is a similar cycle, like the ocean, wave, trough, wave trough. Up down. Ooop. Gotta pause. Getting seasick. He started the KUNDALINI YOGA in AMERICA classrooms, was head of the Sikhs in the Western Hemisphere, and he said of Anita that she could make anybody money in stocks. The speech he gave about "happiness" tells how Anita is a stock market genius; the tape of his speech was made into an article which is online http://www.sikhnet.com/sikhnet/articles.nsf!OpenDatabase&Start=30

Select the file or talk given March 3rd, 1989. "BE HAPPY" was that talk. That’s not all her credentials. She's a real witch, just like I'm a real wizard. (We're pretending that this is YODA speaking, right?) Well Anita's a career witch,  learned stargazing back in 1954, PICKED JUPITER or URANUS days to take interviews, to start her own Hollywood career, has been a professional stargazer since she brought her four kids out of Mexico in 1969. She has four Taurus planets in the tenth house all related to  Aquarius planets in the 7th. She has written 3 cover stories for DELL HOROSCOPE MAGAZINE -- about Power Hours and NEW AGE DHARMIC BUSINESSES, and finance matters. Her websites go into tax evasion, laundering money and other ALIEN GALACTIC practices. Now is the time to start your career investing, now as market has bottomed out, now while everyone else is running away, the sting of Spring 2000 in recent memory, the HORRORS of ENRON curling investors' hair.

SO HERE IS THE STAR PORTAL TO THIS ALIEN WORLD, ANITA's LATEST TEACHING URLS. SOME MAY BE DEAD, LET either of us KNOW WHICH IS NO GOOD, we will amend this piece. (Actually, I YODA, have a wicked time TYPING with my fingernails.....(sigh.) 

Ex Under-Secretary of HUD, Katharine Austin Fitts now is a financial consultant, she recommends many sites, among them http://www.prudentbear.com and http://www.lemetropolecafe.com which lets you enter chat rooms and read their postings, lists, whatever those are....for two weeks, you sign up, no credit info req'd. Heartening is that at this time, AMERITRADE wants you to get your feet wet, online, so if you open a 2000$ account, they will give you 15 free trades, good for 45 days of acquiring, trading, so play for a month and see what you can do. The $2000 is always yours, not theirs. SO OPEN YOUR IRA account now. Afterwards, ll$ a trade, no biggie. First, read up for a day or two. The SEC has created a new Investor Education Web Page, located at http://www.sec.gov/invkhome.htm . It includes detailed information and tips on on-line investing.

http://www.stockmaster.com is a totally free study/research tool. Great.

http://www.smartmoney.com is also totally free. Has a section on bonds that will show the yields in a curve graph.

Free http://www.morningstar.com/ great for quite a lot of services, no taking of your VISA card number, which I appreciate as I don’t want them to automatically shaft me later for reading their damn pages. Chicago-based Morningstar is a leading provider of mutual fund, stock, and variable-insurance investment information.

Morningstar’s Portfolio Manager is your financial ground control. Start by entering your portfolio holdings. It’s a snap! Then put your portfolio to the ultimate test with Morningstar’s exclusive Portfolio X-Ray. Give it a try 

Morningstar also analyzes stocks. investors can profit from the same unbiased research and hard-hitting analysis that mutual fund investors have come to rely on. http://www.morningstar.com/Cover/Stocks.html

To receive your free electronic versions of the current issues of Morningstar StockInvestor and Morningstar FundInvestor, click where it tells you to do so, provide your User name and password, then follow the easy instructions.

These are all great places to start exploring Morningstar.com. And as you click your way around the site, you’ll discover other great features, from up-to-the-minute news in our News area to outstanding investment education in Morningstar University. If you have questions about the site, get answers quickly at:

http://www.morningstar.com/Cover/Help.html

EDGAR ON LINE  last I looked seemed to be totally free. Click around & see. The source for today’s up-to-the-minute SEC electronic filings and related business intelligence tools. Study all their pages. Now, start by pretending to pick a few stocks which you’ll watch for a few days. Learn their ticker name. Flexitronics is FLEX. You want the QUOTE on the TICKER NAME. You will be asked to enter the TICKER NAME abbreviation. So start your studies by picking a few sample favorites and keep on watching the ticker name for a few days.

MOTLEYFOOL seems to be free, I clicked there. AD COEMS UP BUT IT SEZ, CLICK HERE SO AD WILL GO AWAY, AND YOU DO.The Fool exists "to educate, amuse, and enrich the individual investor." They make studying interesting, just like the class clown did when you were a kid.

STANDARD & POOR’S PERSONAL WEALTH Ameritrade customers are eligible for a 10% discount off of the standard monthly subscription price in addition to a free trial. But do you need this is so many other sites are totally FREE for the same info?

http://www.BRIEFING.COM THE SILVER VERSION used to be free but for Gold and Platinum they give more services but want a credit card #.  Live market analysis and a free trial of the full stock analysis service. If they have your VISA card, you can expect an automatic charge later for GOld or Platinum. I HATE when that happens!! So maybe this isn’t for you. Get back to me on what you find there.

THESTREET.COMrequires you to have flash player and crashed me out. It SEEMS TO BE totally Free quotes, a site I like for quotes, but they charge for researching which they call premium content but they announce to you when you click on something, ‘sorry, that’s premium content’ so you won’t stray by error, which I LIKE! An online financial publication dedicated to providing investors with timely, insightful and irreverent reporting while bringing real accountability to the markets and the media that cover them.

eSignal (From Data Broadcasting Corp) again demands you have flash player, so jammed for me. It used to be a powerful, Internet-delivered quote service that provides continuous real-time market quotes, charts, news, and more at a significantly reduced price to Ameritrade customers. But, free quotes, charts maybe even live streaming quotes must be OUT THERE! They give you free software on their front page, for WINDOWS 2000 and up.

$2000 PROMOTION  for your annual IRA BUY, or 401 if you have a neat boss. is probably the REALLY NEAT ONE!!! IF YOU FIND a better deal, lemme know. Take advantage of Ameritrade’s offer. Open/fund your cash account with $2000 and you’ll get your first month’s Internet equity trades commission-free-up to 15 trades in 45 days. It’s an easy way for you to take advantage of their 25 years of experience.
http://www.tdameritrade.com/welcome1.htmlSite doesn’t work well if you don’t have flash player.

NOW FOR THE BIG FINANCIAL MAVINS!! You can log on to financial advisers’ Web pages to find their latest words of wisdom, plus information about their upcoming public appearances, favorite Internet links, even their theme songs and movie ratings.

Using their names plus a .com for their Web addresses, everyone from author Suze Orman to "Wall Street Week" host Louis Rukeyser to economist Ed Yardeni who now has a home page.

To be sure, self-promotion is inherent in having an Internet site named after yourself. And some of the pages are a little thin on content, while others may be too technical for the average investor. In an age of celebrity, though, these sites may be giving the public exactly what it wants.

And with everyone talking about the Internet and the stock market and investing, the sites may also be giving the public what it needs.

"Any personal finance site that can teach an investor any important lesson about planning for [the] future is of great value," said Dan Burke, a senior analyst who rates online brokerages for Gomez Advisors, of Lincoln.

FORTUNE MAGAZINE has a site with a lot of study/research features. One of their pages had info on small businesses, a new list of the go-ers. Best corps to work for, lots of stuff!FORTUNE MARKET PAGE.

With any financial advice or information from the Web, though, consumers and investors need to remember that they must do their own research and weigh the merits of what’s being said - and why it’s being said.

The financial advisers’ sites usually fill you in on their latest books and newsletters and let you know about TV appearances, radio broadcasts, or speaking engagements.

Most also allow you to e-mail a personal finance or investment question, and they may feature some quirky personal information about the advisers.

Beyond that, there are some useful features on the various sites, such as online calculators, economic data, and links to information about everything from charitable giving to college savings to the latest market news. Plus you get insight into the person’s thinking about IRAs, taxes, and other issues.

But you won’t necessarily find all the sophisticated tools and information that are offered on a comprehensive site, such asMicrosoft’s http://www.MoneyCentral.msn.com.

Here’s a roundup of some of the financial advisers’ sites:

http://www.andrewtobias.com - One of the best parts is a sophisticated mutual fund calculator that lets you estimate the bite that taxes and expenses take out of a mutual fund investment in a taxable account, based on the fund’s real-world costs.

Tobias, author of "The Only Investment Guide You’ll Ever Need" and other books, writes an almost-daily online column. Recent topics include the difficulty of short-selling (in the context of a stock he recommended and still owns) and saving for children’s college educations. And oh yes, BERNIE MADEOFF. This guy writes well. Read him daily.

http://www.suzeorman.com - With a different photo of Orman on almost every page, plus information about her books, tapes, and upcoming speaking engagements, this site appears primarily geared to those who are already fans of her bestsellers, "The Courage to Be Rich" and "The 9 Steps to Financial Freedom"and just want to eyeball photos of her. I could not find a single info-article there, though GOOGLING you find OPRAH had stored some valuable ones. Suze 'don't give it away!' Orman, a certified financial planner, MAY provide useful links to other sites that offer information about charitable giving, mutual funds, credit counseling services, life insurance, and retirement planning but I couldn't see them. Site has become a self serving yukky fan club.

http://www.jonathanpond.com - The site has flashplayer req’mt so I can’t visit. Another reviewer, a few yrs ago said: “The least technically advanced and slick of the sites reviewed, this one, by the nationally known Boston-based financial planner and public television and radio commentator, promises "to give you the best and most up-to-date financial guidance." Primarily, the site provides information about his books, videos, newsletter, and public TV appearances. But Pond also answers e-mail questions on such topics as the danger of jointly holding property and 401(k) vs. Roth IRA. And there are useful links to college and estate-planning sites.” But the guy went and got flash player so now he’s tech.advanced. And I can’t visit the site. So go figure. Plan on a NEW PC soon, will get the flashplayer thingie soon.

http://www.bobbrinker.com - This site, by "Moneytalk" radio show host Bob Brinker, provides links to company conference calls and stock market news, excerpts from Brinker’s Marketimer newsletter, and a listing of all the radio stations that carry his show. Brinker also offers an online discussion group, a list of the states that don’t tax income, interest, or dividends, and hundreds of links to information about online banking, bonds, mutual funds, and stock exchanges. The most useful part of the site is its investor education center, covering everything from general economics to stocks. For intermediate students.

www.yardeni.com - THEY don’t let you in the door if you don’t pay. I hear it isnot for the beginner, this site, from Ed Yardeni, chief global economist and investment strategist for Deutsche Bank Securities in New York, has sophisticated economic data, online charts, and demographic information, and links to the Federal Reserve and other agencies. Yardeni, famous for having warned of a Y2K crisis that did not come to pass, also has some fun things on his site, such as the complete text of "Hamlet" and his own movie ratings.

http://www.rukeyser.com -He died in 2006, his minions run the site. I hear it is RUN FOR PROFIT ONLY. This site by the longtime public TV personality offers little more than a chance to subscribe to his newsletters, sign up for his Las Vegas investment conference, or buy his special reports. But there are some free online samples of commentaries for fans who can’t get enough of Rukeyser’s folksy monologues.

SO, let me know what you think of these sites. I need feedback info as I can add to this article and incorporate your perceptions. Let’s do this for a month with our spare cash. BUT only after we’ve done our homework. A WEEK of doing it after two weeks of study would be the smart thing. Then, as a stock astrologer, doing a weekly column, you will see the HOT MOMENTS, free at my website. That site can give you the day and hour of the crashes, there are many, as the market’s bouncing like a ball. You see one ahead, you PULL OUT for a few weeks. You wait for the stock to hit bottom, then buy in again. I hit APRIL 2000 to the day, in MARCH was saying get out, get out.

LAST, call me just before you make your buys, when you have a dozen stocks selected, and run their names by me. I throw the astro dice on them see which of the group is the pick of the litter. The Yogi Bhajan investing committee calls me and I do this for them, free. Ditto a Chicago investor and I keep tabs on what they run by me so I'm always making lists of the cream of the cream. (818) 774-1939. At time of writing this piece, the Chicago Investor mentioned SunLife on the NYSE. My astro-Dice liked it.But this PART of this article was written back a ways. You have to run them by the dice, fresh, I answer fresh. Just from the seat of my pants, I'm saying buy NDN on the NYSE while it's at 10. It's a fantastic company, I use it daily, (ninety nine cents only stores,)  better supplied than all competitors, lower prices, too. shelves stocked well.IT WAS at 35, at its lowest point was 5$, now it's at ten dollars. Get it because it’s where POOR PEOPLE SHOP. Not like WHOLE FOODS where only rich shop. My daughter made $ on WF as she bought early.

And for the STAR STOCK WATCH go to http://home.earthlink.net/~astrology/star.htm and see what I OFFER In the way of POWER DAYS, for dollar tips. The POWER DAYSThe whole weekly star doc is about finding HOURS that week where there’s only sheer, pure luck. Those are the hours you BUY stocks and make the stock-buying decisions. Also, on super good days, when you see an IPO emerged, buy some of that! Maybe after checking with me by phone to see if only good aspects follow. My theory is, make certain the GOOD LUNAR ASPECT is the last aspect before the MOON CHANGES sign. So that’s why just good aspects aren’t enough. It has to be the LAST aspect. So that’s why I say check with me.

A CALIFORNIA newspaper, the Valley Daily News had a regular feature in 2006, where they ask six people to run a pretend 100 grand portfolio. They all do very well. Some nearly doubled their play money. With the help of a wizard like YODA....you could do better! My friend’s pal the cardiologist, Dr. Singh, has a little 14 year old SON who purloined Daddy's Credit Card, took a thousand and ran it into a hundred thousand online, in stocks. So...get your kid into this now, give him his own credit card.

ANY URL here doesn't work, get back to us about it. Back when I wrote this, in 04, the BOND market seemed on the verge of crashing, ditto Housing market, may make stocks go up a great deal. 

NOTE: REWRITING this file JANUARY 2009, Stocks are down. REAL ESTATE is an alternative as it's way down  the prices have dropped to a startling figure and you can buy homes for a tenth of what they’re worth from banks. Especially outside of California and NY City area. HURRICANE alley is discounted. REST of country is very low priced. And I run a COTTAGE INDUSTRY WEBSITEon being like BILL GATES, starting a biz in your garage or home office, and another one on 'HOW TO LIVE IN THE COUNTRY AND have l0 villas for ten families you adore and get along with so IF YOU LOVE RURAL LIVING, check it out. There used to be a fab NEW magazine "THE WEEK" a kind of competitor to TIME MAG but much better, I felt, which has a few houses for sale every week, all above 5 mil but there's always the bargain of the week which was big, HUGE, charming and mysteriously low priced. Is that mag still being sold? If so the HOUSE is probably gone the day that mag hits the stands! 

If you invest in ASIAN markets now, you will do so well you can buy MANHATTAN SKYSCRAPERS and BEL AIR PARKLANDS. Check this file.It deals with OIL IN VIETNAM.

FOR THE COMPLETE LIST OF OVER A DOZEN FREE “HOW TO BE A MILLIONAIRE” SEMINARS, CLICK HERE!

NOW, a final word. If you want to be of genuine assistance to your friends/parents who have a lot of disposable income, tell them this. Discuss a frugal investment in TRADE, IMPORT/ EXPORT with Mom/Pop, authorities, bosses the person stashing wealth.. SHOW THEM how your biz idea is better than a bank, IMPORT/ EXPORT is the way to earn 1000% on their money a year. Show them details on how  your biz idea is a sure thing. Show them a PROSPECTUS. AND LANGUAGE for power, by vowing to do the work. Right now, their money sits in banks about to close their doors. THey will lose it all. WHY?  FDIC has a 20 year clause in their fine print. A two decade period to pay 'em back, at which point the l00k is worth zip. Bupkis, Nada Rien. zero. That's lunch at the POSH BAGEL 20 yrs from now. Now, alternative two. PUT THEIR CASH under mattress, it gets lost.  l0% a year disappears right off the top anually TO INFLATION. End of ten yrs that money buys Dinner at the FRUGAL BISTRO.  But --buy l00 pairs SUEDE INDIAN MOCCASINS from MEXICO with your money in the coming year you wholesale the KIOWA INDIAN SHOE line to stores across your city, you make 100% or 1000% on your money.  AND YOU DO THAT MANY TIMES A YEAR. Then you expand to EUROPE get 3000% percent on your money. Get the picture? Frozen, COLD MONEY IS DYING MONEY. It's like the shark, either it swims forward furiously EATING everything in its path or it is DYING. GET THE PICTURE?

signed, Suze Orman, YODA and his co-wizard (channeling Yoda,)
Anita Sands Hernandez astrology@earthlink.net

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