HELLO there. I'm PABLO the PAYMENT ARRANGER. I just sit here all day zoning, waiting for folks to send in a few bucks for a month of my Mommy's services. Ain't happened yet. I don't get it! She gives you the free daily Horoscope and nobody sends so much as a fiver and this lady has PAYPAL as astrology at earthlink dot net so you can DO IT. (Wait a sec, there's Tom's sport show. I LOVE that show. I can't see why Roseanne Divorced this guy. He is the best thing on the Tube!)
Ummm, where were we? OH YES, you gotta send a PAYPAL TIP to my MOM to get the stars now! I'm the payment arranger. Pablo's the name. A dollar's my game. See one buck buys me three cans of that creepy lard chow she used to buy at the 99c store. Lard I call it, as if that were not my middle name. But I was eating it and so did the others. Turns out it was from CHINA and there was plastic in it, so now she has to spend 99c a can. Send a buck I get a can all for myself. If you'd pay her two bucks, she'd go get turkey burger raw and cook it with carrots and chard. I LIKE that! We all do. I can't tell you how many others here cuz of local Pound restrictions take it from me, there are PUHLENTY! Anita hasn't got this NEUTERING thing quite down yet. (hehe!) More's the pity!
Last week the cashier at market said her debit card was no good. She went home with no meat for us, and took down a fruit bowl full of pennies that we thought was a litter box, so we'd kind of rusted them into gummy, stuck together GREEN copper wads. Carried them to the store to turn in. Machine turned it down, all those verdigris grainy pennies. (MACHINE BROKE, SHUT DOWN OPERATION.) So we're frantic here SO SEND this poor witless human lady a check and you get the dailies free, well next to free. Hey, I'm easy. And you know Anita, she's EASIER. Trust me on that one. I've been lying here pissing on her rugs for I don't know HOW long and she tolerates me. But she says she gets her knickers in a twist when PEOPLE piss on her. She expects more of her human friends, you know, you readers out there, steering your life with the 20 hrs a week she gives to this StarPower Map of the Month document she does each Saturday and SUNDAY while you're out jiving.
I know. Everybody loved the freebie all those years. I more than anyone understand the joy of the Freebie but well, the buck stops here. I'm Pablo the Payment Arranger. You are now supposed to click on PAY PAL DOT COM only YOU MUST KNOW to whom the buck goes. For whom the bell tolls. THEY RECOGNIZE the ole gal as astrology AT earthlink. dot net. So use that secret code & send a personal check made out to ANITA's Cats at 7900 ZELZAH AVE., RESEDA CALIFORNIA 91335, and Mommy will give you the Star thingie every Sunday nite in your email box prompt as can be.
You'll see! Instead of being out-exchange, ship wrecked on the shoals of karma, your luck will change OVERNIGHT. Instead of the troubles, woe, poverty you've HAD, *(initiating during DUD DAYS) you will get wealth, love and the joy of knowing which end is UP --- from hour to hour. Meanwhile, read THE amazing, unique, HOW TO LEAVE YOUR KIDS A LEGACY (a WEBSITE,) which will help you surf through this week without your usual stars, until the check clears. Just kidding. TELL me you sent it, I give you star URL by return Email. I'm a good kid. LOOK AT ME! Just hungry is all!
Signed, Pablo, the Loan arranger did I say that? I mean the PAYMENT arranger.
OK Commercial's over. The Tom Show is back on. I'm outta here.
HELLO, it's CATUCHA! Please ! I am so hungry! I can't stand eating this kibble junk. Give me the lardy meat from 99c store. Or the turkey and carrots home cooked by the ole gal herself. Or the l0lb bag of chicken quarters. Puhleeze. A baby kitten's got his caloric requirements. You know, growing bones and all? I know, kibble is better than that damn swiss chard she gave us for a while, or the chicory tops, yuk! She won't eat it, why does she think we will? If Cats were meant to eat CORN pone and greens, we'd have all been born in GEORGIA fer cripes sake! HELP I'm being held prisoner in a KIBBLE FACTORY! sign me "Catuu-cha Cacahaute", female kitten seeking a better and more prosperous home! Born under the sign of Aquarius, favorite entertainer is PINK, I'm anti-war, humanitarian, I spit out and relocate mice. Very peaceful. Barely need to eat. But this is overdoing it! HELP! RESCUE ME! Send my mistress a check or go to PAY PAL DOT COM say donation is for firstname.lastname@example.org and leave a few bucks, get your free weekly stars Every Sunday Night for two whole decades 7 days at a time and it's done HOURLY and she posts it then tells you the URL. One right move at the right time pays for your TIP! But this poor Hollywood Witch NEVER GOT A SINGLE TIP so she quit. I tell you she's slow to figure out this MONEY THING. She says her Aquarius is square TAURUS. I say it's square my NEPTUNE in FRISKIES RISING!
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