CHAPTER 202 - How to STOP THE INNER SELF HATRED, Dodge Feelings of FAILURE yet CHANGE for the BETTER.

I'm intrigued with both the metaphor & the process of being an empty bottle. The metaphor of understanding how to mirror yourself is looking at others and looking at the world and seeing what they are mirroring back to you.

In other words, focus on what they give you in terms of the ability to see yourself, not the usual criticizing or opining on them -- as frankly most of that is regurgitating of your own fears about yourself. That kind of thinking is really......what did Gurdgieff call it? IDENTIFYING. A very harmful habit.  Stop short of making an opinion of who they are and what they show up as....stop opining on what's wrong with them and how they have evolved or devolved and the conditions that exist that make them successful or a failure at the  things that they have been working at. Stop all that. That's ego seeking to bum you out using your friends or environment. That's mind junk maybe to convince you that you're better or some such claptrap. Yammer. Just use friends to focus on staying Godly and just see them fighting the good fight.

Let's take an example of a person who you might know, someone who is somewhat spiritually evolved. But they haven't climbed to the peak of the mountain yet. They're being held back by habits. Don't even say to yourself bad habits.

The very idea that when you're looking at someone or yourself in the mirror of inspection and paying attention to the details and having the awareness of the subtleties of the successes and failures is a start on making you step out of yourself and your bad habits and really look at another clearly.

The idea is not to look at and judge but rather to shift into bliss and know that everything is perfect and everyone is perfect and everyone is Christ consciousness, the mind of God. That instantly stops you, the baby guru, from chewing on people.

The only failure to consider in you or them is being asleep to that Christ within. Not remembering it. When you have the capacity to remember who you truly are, then the mirror (the person in front of you,) becomes the media to run a deprogramming technique on yourself and to create the possibility of seeing that which is not correct, which is not evolved, which is not where you want to be. Having seen another as a mirror or yourself as you look in a physical mirror, or an emotional mirror or mental mirror is going to start to show you the complete whole.

We need mirrors. A mirror is important. It shows you the whole being, the whole body, the whole self. So use a glass mirror or another person but only asking "show me what stands between him and Christ consciousness."

Looking at yourself or another objectively without any judging, just looking at them clearly, you can define and determine where they have failed in the evolution process. You will awaken from the dreams and illusions of physicality and materialism, and wake up to the true remembering of your God self and assist them to see their God self, their egoless self.

This mirror is reflecting back to you what it takes to go in the direction of the evolution that you truly desire and to correct and change things that are keeping you from having maybe not the perfect life that you have dreamt of but the blissful life that being on the path is.  You chose to be here and to have a blissful life. Nowhere in the fine print were you promised a perfect life. Everyone chose to be happy, beautiful, powerful, to be the greatest they could be but obviously there are very few who have followed through and have the ability to actualize all their dreams, quickly.

As we get older in terms of physical, linear time, it is much better to concentrate on the divine dance, the bliss, the shimmering peacock display of our talents as part of that dance than to hourly be reminded of failures, deficits, lacks and limitations that we have imposed upon ourselves with our yammer mind. Just look in the mirror of your fellow man, see only where they are limited in doing the Christ dance. You know Christ walked around Galilee doing what he really enjoyed doing, the God Rap. He was God intoxicated. He was in bliss. I wonder if he knew that crucifixion was a P.R. triumph which would put him and his laws for bliss and goodness on the map for the next two thousand years. So we only fail if we do not live up to the remembrance of our true, high Christ conscious state which is our real self and do the dance, do the rap. Shake our peacock tails.

So in transferring the ego self to the higher Christ self.. from this lower reactionary yammering, less-than-God self to this complete God self, this mirroring technique becomes a very important practice. As you practice looking in the mirror each day, either at your friend or yourself, you see their complaining. And you stop your own. You see their bad posture, you are reminded to straighten up. You see that you haven't exercised and gone to the gym and you invite them to join you and both exercise and go to the gym or do what it takes. You see that you have aged and you start to reverse that aging by knowing there is no such thing as age and what does it take to relax and be God except removing the negative mind's yammer. The BUMMED OUT factor has to go. That's as easy to disarm as cleaning up a room with a spilled cat litter box. Just clean that mess up and the room's again pristine. Mostly bliss is taking away the negatives.

But what does it take to get rid of these wrinkles? Raw juice. Makes your skin like a baby. What does it take to make this body the physical instrument, the vehicle, the vessel of God? Sing hymns while you do housework. What is it going to take to have perfect equanimity, balance, harmony within your spirit, within your soul, your mind, emotions? To catch yourself at yammer and stop it.

So all those things being mirrored to you help you to start to practice the things that create evolution for yourself. The evolution to being who you really are, which is what you already, always have been. A Christ being. Now, it's a matter of practice to be able to produce that as the outward manifestation called the body, the vehicle, the bottle that you live in. The car that you drive called your body. Are you able to make that car and those emotions that run that car and those things that you have to live with, the house, a relationship, a bank account all divine? You know that they will be reflective of who you truly are. And if you keep up the pace, maybe even in terms of your big desire, your big vision for yourself. It's about keeping on keeping on.

So the practices that come from seeing in the mirror can be evolutionary. As the old saying goes, seeing through a class clearly rather than seeing through a glass darkly, is the most important kind of technique that we can operate with to produce the results we desire. Let the struggle of your fellow men mirror your own. Remind them not to struggle with UGH but to move like a swan on water, bravely with Ahhhhhhhh.

All results will show up when we finally mirror to ourselves the constant impeccability of seeing what it takes, what is needed to produce this perfection which we can have because we are already the perfect Godself from the beginning. We have never been anything other than God. Most of the crap on the mirror is our own impatience and self judgement. We have never been anything other than all powerful, we have never been anything other than having all of the awareness, talent and ability to use that awareness and talent to produce and create anything we wish to create which is the playground that we're in right now and that possibility can show up when we use the mirroring technique and follow through and produce what we want.

Finally, why it's important to understand the mirror technique is that eventually you assume the attitude of and become the reality of God. Therefore, you are going to look in the mirror where God is and when you look in the mirror where God is, you see nature, the clouds, the sky, the trees, the beauty, the ocean, you see weather, you see the perfection of the rhythm and harmony of the universe moving. All the galaxies mirroring that God force, this perfection. Then, you see yourself as this conscious being and you're looking in the mirror called God and you're loving and appreciating God so much and you're thanking God so much, all the time, for this awesome, unbelievable, infinite, grand universe that you created, co-created with God because the mirror is the creator and you are the reflection as the co-creator. There's nothing you can do but be that and when you're being that, then everything in your life, every person, every relationship --- will mirror back to you the light that you are shining on them. That light will come right back to you as a boomerang. That's the perfect light that you could live,-- the Christ life that you could live to see the perfect God in everything and everybody and affirm that and give that and do that and work at that every day. That's the practice of mirroring yourself and God back to you, continuously.

We are constantly creating in our words, our speaking, our actions. It's like a snowflake. There are never two snowflakes alike. There are never two days, two instants, alike. It is always only one moment. This holy instant is everything, everywhen, now but what you create in that instant with your words and your actions and your deeds and your daily living of life is absolutely a new snowflake every moment. That is the yin and yang of creation. That which you come from is ancient, invisible and perfect. Never changes, has no attributes, doesn't have any thing-ness connected to it. That which it creates through its living, being in the world -- is the unique quality of creativity every minute, every second, creating a new snowflake and that is the perfect balance there is of consciousness being God and at the same time being absolutely a unique creator creating unique creations.

Belief is the basic foundation of creativity, of what you're going to produce, Your beliefs are grounding you into having thoughts, ideas, concepts, function and those thoughts are producing form. They are the matrix; they are the foundation of all form. Whatever you believe will become your thoughts, feelings, and projections. And those feelings, thoughts and projections will be manifested in form and that form will be your life and that's why you can't have what you want. You can only have what you create with your beliefs. So your beliefs are always the motivator and matrix, the pattern, the design of your thoughts. And in turn, your thoughts produce the form. Create the beliefs that conform to your vision and desires for yourself. What you desire and want, believe it. Believe that's who you are, that's what you have, that's what you created. Automatically, your thoughts project out, oh yes, I did practice all morning. I am this great musician. I am this rich person, this successful being, this intelligent, evolved, spiritually enlightened person. I am this great writer. I am I am I am. So that belief in your I am-ness, your is-ness, creates all the thoughts and motivations and actions, like practicing at the piano, which produce in physical form, a perfect replica of what you have believed. So your reality is created from what you think and your thinking is created from what you believe.

So if you tell me "Jules, I don't believe in God, I've never seen God. I don't believe in channeling which is some sort of fantasy. I don't believe in these lectures, those books,-- " I'll tell you that all you're doing is negating every bit of knowledge that could be in those books or that arena or context that you don't believe in. Your belief assures that you will get nothing out of the teachers, books, lectures.. No good thoughts, no good action, then you can't create anything good out of it. Therefore you are using your beliefs to negate any good that you could have.

All good comes from having a belief that projects a thought into creating exactly what the belief  believes in. (Note: Jules highly recommended the UNIFIED COURSE by ROGER G. LANPHEAR, which gives you one belief a week to practice. First week is GOD is LOVE so I am love. And you get a week to practice that thought projection. Then there are 24 weeks total. ABEBOOKS.COM has it for a dollar.)

For instance, I believe I'm God in the universe, my law is word, my word is law in the universe, my thoughts will create exactly what I want. My way of being, dealing, reacting to others will have exactly the effect that I want to have in the relationships I have and will create the perfect life that I want, the beauty that I want, the talents and abilities that I want.

I believe it, --it is mine, --it is done. So you become that great actor, artist, performer, successful being by believing it is already so. In the world of mind, the world of emotions, the world of the soul projecting itself onto the screen of life, onto the blank canvas of your mind, you can paint any picture you want and that picture will manifest exactly. It will replicate itself exactly according to what you believe.. Beliefs are the most important foundation and building block for creating what you want.

The last touch is the meditative process, being still and going within and programming your beliefs and your mind from this beautiful, placid, still lake that you make your mind become, by meditating, by every day going completely into the peace and silence of your being.. You can then, use that power of silence to produce any structure or vision, any goal, any beautiful painting that you want to paint your life to be.

That's where the power is. That's why meditation is important because within that still, small place within your soul, you have the complete power of God to say I am this, I have that and it will be done.

Therefore, if what you were born with is great power and talent, if you were born a Mozart or a Barbra Streisand, with that voice, then you have to realize 'I can use this as the beauty and power of my life.' But if you weren't born with those talents and you were born with 'I can't do anything, I am inadequate,' then that will become your projection which will produce an inadequate life.

So, what is the secret to see? That all potential exists within the whole silent, invisible world and all you have to do is change your idea, mind, belief to one in which you see yourself as whatever it is you wish to be and know that all that it takes is to constantly say and think and feel yourself that and you automatically become that. And don't buy into your being different from someone else. You are everyone and everyone is you and you can be anything that you choose to be. It starts with believing and it ends with doing what you believe.

So there's only one point to all of it. If you miss the point that you're the Creator, that's who you are in life, you're not this 5'2" eyes of blue age 32 --I have these parents, I've lived this life so I'm stuck with that. No, please. That's not who you are. All you are is a pure silent creator co-creator with God, one with that power of creativity and if you miss that point, life will look so complex and you'll become so analytical and so technologically perfect and you will learn and do many things but you will never create, really, what your heart desires. How do you create your heart's desire knowing that you're the creator? So then go ahead and create your heart's desire. Whatever excites you the most. If you have that magic wand, whatever you dream and love. Oh I would love to be this, I would love to live there. I would love to be around these kinds of people. Well then create that! Stop missing the point and stop living your day and your life every day, being involved being in the little tricky things that you're always woried about, money, the car, the job, the house, what are you going to do with your life, why are you not happy, successful? Give all that up.

Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven. Give all that up. Be in the world, don't be of the world. Don't be playing your life upon the stage and suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and then coming to nothing and then dying as Shakespeare would say but rather to live your life as the Creator of anything; any possibility is yours to create. All you have to know is that it's up to you to see the trick, the point that you missed, that youultimately are the creator of your life and whatever you do, have, you did it and you're responsible because you're cause in the matter. The definition of responsibility is purely that you are cause in the matter of what you do, what another does to you and what you do to another and what others do to others. You're the total cause in the matter of everything you have in your life, everything that you will ever have, ever create, you are responsible for, purely. It's not about guilt, shame, blame, judgement, opinions, it's about seeing through that glass clearly and knowing I am the creator, I am cause, I am responsibility.

So the difference between God-consciousness and self consciousness, between higher self and Ego self, between selflessness, selfishness is quite a contrast. The difference between living in your whole soul, your holy spirit as the Course in Miracles says, or your lower ego self, is diametrically opposed. l00% opposite realities. The real reality of higher consciousness, of un-self-consciousness, is to be without thoughts, without thinking. So, if you go on the stage for the first time as a performer, you think all these thoughts: am I good enough, do they like me? Are these other musicians liking what I'm doing? DO I know what I'm doing? Do I really have the grasp? Can I improvise? All that thinking is the ego talking to yourself and a form of fear. Fear is the way the ego operates. Survival. It survives because it's afraid of not surviving. It survivies because it's afraid of not being able to be good enough, and know the truth and be totally free and able in the moment. So, higher consciousness is where there's only freedom. There's no self. There's complete letting go. And what happens to you might be a complete abandonment of all your past, your historical past and what you thought was God and what you now are able to intuit is that I'm only going to live without thoughts. I'm going to live without self-consciousness. I'm going to be one with this higher self, with God, with freedom, with giving up fear, having no fear, being courageous in the face of anything you're going to participate in. And that is the genius of having this ability to let go. These processes are amazing. Whatever process takes you tehre is good so that's what you want to do, practice being totally free and un-self-conscious.

When you have conflict in your life and you don't have something that is essential, like money, you look in the mirror at yourself and you say 'I don't have money.' With that recognition of the truth, when you see and mirror to yourself what's so, I am broke, no job. I'm not producing what I want with my life and my family is suffering and we're in conflict because I don't have money. What do you do? What you do is go and make money. Get a job. It doesn't matter what you do. You can sweep floors. You can be totally unconscious and do whatever you like but the first thing to do is to evaluate yourself and say, 'I don't have what I need and I have to get it for me and my family to be in harmony and not ever go into any conflict or argument about the money rather to do what's needed and wanted to produce your rent, food, taking care of business and you do it whether you sweep streets or beg. Anything it takes.

We're always choosing our highest ideal. What is the greatest version of the grandest vision that we have for ourselves? That is always to me the highest master but you can't deal with the crap inbetween which is 'oh, I don't have it good enough, I don't have a big group to teach. I don't have a big audience before me. I'm not the perfect musician yet I don't have enough money to have the best house or the best location. I don't have the partners that want to support me and the backers and investors to make me what I should be.'

All that conversation is the crap conversation of the ego. A mind talking to itself. What the opportunity is to realize that you are Christ right now and the audience you have whether it's one or ten thousand is enough. So the three things we learn in Conversations with God, in the last book, God says to Neal Walsch, the three core concepts are: one, we're all one, two, there's enough, three, there's nothing you have to do. So, if we're all one, then when you're talking to one, you're talking to the whole universe. If there's enough, whatever you got, whatever you have ... is enough and if there's nothing you have to do, then whatever you're doing is perfect.

It's so easy. Any question that your mind has, any comments, any thought about something, is just a form of opining, criticizing, judging, thinking, analyzing. It's always perceptual. What you want to give up is all perception. Live in this holy instant, right now, where everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. You're perfect, I'm perfect, everyone, every thing is perfect. This is all there is. There is no place to go and you're not going anywhere so all you do is entertain yourself being absolutely happy with yourself, being totally serene and peaceful, now. Have a great life. Go on from there and each moment with your conscious awareness, there's nothing to do but to be or not to be and when you catch yourself not being, which means that you're not in peace and love, you make that scrutiny so that you change everything no matter how bad and how upset and how poor and how suffering you are, you change it to peace and love. So whatever occurs, pain, suffering, anguish, sorrow, depression, poverty, upset, conflict, you change all of that by your attitude of saying this: 'I can see peace instead of this. I could create peace instead of this. I can create love and peace now and that's all that's important because I'm one, everything is one, there's only one being in the universe and I'm in the center of it and there's always enough and there's nothing I have to do except to what excites me the most. What I love to do right now. If you can't be doing it right now, travel to where you can do it right now. Go get the job that enables you to do it right now. Produce the results that give you what you want right now. Always create the grandest version of the greatest vision that you have for yourself, right now and right now and right now, forever.

The song which says 'don't worry be happy' is the absolute instruction book for every moment of existence. Just don't worry. Be happy. Whatever way it is, be happy. If you're in misery, be happy. If you're suffering, be happy. If you're unhappy, be happy because by being happy that you're unhappy, you'll learn how to be happy. And to be happy when you're happy will be the greatest reward that you can possibly have because you will know that when you're unhappy that you'll also be happy and it will be very easy to be happy when you're happy.

I remember a book from the sixties by Ram Dass called 'Be Here, Now. ' What's the significance of 'Be here, Now?' It's everything you think, leave it be, everything you've been in the past, leave it be, everything you hate, leave it be, everything you love, leave it be. Don't worry. Have nothing in your head. Have a blank canvas to paint on. Heidigger said, come to the painting, abandoning all claims to immediate intelligibility. Not to listen to a series of propositions about this and that, to make judgements and criticism and ideas about it and extrapolations and interpretations about it. He says 'come to the painting abandoning all your claims to any intelligibility. Not to listen to a series of propositions but rather to follow the movement of the showing. Follow the rhythym and the flow of the way life turns out. Follow the listening and the speaking of yourself as a spontaneous, egoless person, unself conscious, completely conscious and courageous and sure and certain of yourself that you are only here to create peace and love.

As it says on page 26 in the Course on Miracles, "I am only here to represent Him who sent me. I am only here to be helpful, to be useful. I don't have to worry about what to do or what to say because he who sent me will direct me and I have no concern for wherever he wishes me to be or to go because he goes there with me and I will be healed as I let him teach me to heal. So those five lines. I'm only here to be truly helpful. I'm only here to represent him, my highest son, God who sent me. I sent myself here. I sent my body here. I created my body to be here. So I don't have to worry about what to say or do because He who sent me, my real self, is going to direct me. If I allow my real self to be the director. Wherever I am, whatever place I find myself, I know that my real self, God self, God himself, the consciousness, energy of the universe is also going with me. All my guides, all my angels, all the masters that I'm in tune with are by my side. Why? How? Because when I give myself up, I have given myself to God. When I have given up my will, I have taken on God's will. What's better? My will or God's will? My insight or the insight of the archangels and the masters of wisdom of the universe? So I'm only surrendered to the will of God. I'm surrendered to the higher power. I'm surrendered to Source. I'm surrendered to the Wisdom of the Ages, to the insight of the highest beings in the universe and I become their channel, their eyes, their ears, their voice. I become their instrument to be used for the enlightenment of my own life and all those around me which I'm one with. I become the vehicle for the enlightenment of the world and the universe and I am that and then you become a master because, as you put your goal out there, what we think of as the future becomes the process of mastery.

The time --the linear time that it takes to go from here to another city, the linear time that it takes to go from being a novice to a complete professional. That's the game. We might as well play the game to dance, play, make things, be conscious and love ourselves as we are. 'I love myself as I am --- for I am all that is.' That's all there is, me and everything and we're all one. SO it's the same conversation. It's the perennial philosophy as Aldous Huxley called it. It never changes but you must ground yourself in the language, in the speaking and the listening of this new language of the spirit, the language of the soul, the language of God. The word. In the beginning was the word and the word was God and the word was with God and the God became flesh. The word was manifested, as form as planets, as galaxies, as ants, grass, trees, bodies, ideas, love, relationships. All of those things are just your creations but you must respect and admire yourself as the creator who doesn't have any needs. All your needs are met because the creator is creating everything that it needs. It doesn't have anything else to do. The only power that a being has is to create. Otherwise it has no power. What is power for? To create. And what are you going to create? What is beautiful and good and lovely because you're conscious, you're aware, you're all that is.

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Being enlightened has many aspects to it. You can be enlightened intellectually and in your mind and in your abilities and experiences. You have experienced what enlightenment is intellectually, what it looks like, what books say about it, what gurus have demonstrated about it. What you see in another person's life, Buddha, Jesus, Pythagoras, Einstein, a Walt Whitman -- you see the creative genius and enlightenment in someone. That's all well and good. To know it as an experiential thing, either visually or intuitively. But we're talking about the game where you actually come into life participating because that's all there is for you to finally do...... to give up everything except the participation in the game. And to finally have no self and yourself that you do have is the self, this little self, that plays the piano, sweeps the carpet, gets the job, reads the book, listens to people, studies with the gurus at another level than you ever have before which is a giving up everything called 'me,' -- my name, my idea of myself, what I want -- what I don't like, the identification called Jules or Michael.

In so doing, you get to participate full out. Participation means joy in itself. When you're totally enthralled and enveloped or in something, totally with full on complete devotion and action ---the action of doing something. It is joyful. It stimulates, it's inspirational. It's satisfying. All frustration, all self-reflection, all analysis disappears.

You don't need to ask 'how' any more because all you need to do is realize "I am already enlightened, I am already the mind of God, I am already Christ consciousness and I have taken a vow to only create peace and love and I've decided to scrutinize myself at every moment of every reaction and every time a button gets pushed in my life where I'm not living up to Christ Conscious mind of God peace and love reality action participation involvement, therefore all things become moot. You don't care about how or where you're going. It becomes like -- it doesn't have any meaning to care about where you're going or what you're going to do or how much money you have or how you're going to pay your bills or what people thing about you or is this what you should be doing? All those questions disappear, evaporate in the crucible of this peace, love, joy and burning passion that happens for you. That's the word, 'passion.' When you become passionate about every minute that you're alive and what you're doing and that doingness is so exciting that there's nothing else for you. That moment is all there is, it is infinite, it is the future. That moment totally resolves any past. Now, you don't have to have a girlfriend, a place to go but you will create a place to live and you will have the greatest relationships and you will take are of your body and you will create all the money, all the abundance you need and you will be happy, peaceful and loving. So it's not how but will. It's not where but now. It's not IF but "I am."

So the generation of this thing comes from killing the old self. Killing the old self is very easy because it was all sleepwalking. Even though you were bright, intelligent, educated, liked, good looking and efficient. That does not mean that all of that wasn't done in a sleep walk. In an unconscious living illusion because desire and wanting was constantly nagging you as you lived that existence.

The crossroads for you and the world is now to realize, 'yes, everything's great and beautiful, this world is beautiful and advanced and has great food, great cities, cars, nightlife and is free and open and there's freedom to have passion and conversation and America is a melting pot of everyone on the planet. And yet that isn't it. People haven't accepted 'this is it' because they're still living in 'this isn't it.' So everybody is saying 'but this isn't it, this job, this life, this wife, these problems, this need for a job and I've got the job now and I have to work all the day and there's no time to be happy.. this isn't it, constantly. It's never 'this is it, with passion.' And that's the crossroads, to finally give up 'this isn't it', for 'this is it' which was the metaphor for the six day training, the greatest training ever created on the planet, bar none. EST's highest training where you went to the mountains for six days and lived with 100 people and 60 assistants and were climbing ropes and exposing yourself in confrontation and you were shown yourself the day you came in where you say 'I'm Jules, I'm 42, eyes of blue and I have a dog.' and they show you that tape and reflect it against the tape of you six days later when you were a completely different person. Now you were glowing. You had seen how dull and frustrated a 'this isn't it life' you were living and you were now ready to jump into the world and say 'this is it and this is my project and this is what I'm committed to and I'm only going to speak those things until I am realized in living the six day as an everyday possibility and reality.'

And yet, all those people that left the six day, went right back into their old habits and all they had was a memory of the excitement and they wished they could have that over again.

How can you have this peak experience continuously in your life if you're not in a six day training? If after you leave and you go home and you're swallowed up again by 'this isn't it? this family, these bills, this pressure, this work, this frustration, this world I have to live in, these conflicts, these politics, these idiots, these boring people, all of this negativity, all of this blandness or all of this unbelieveable inability to be passionate and excited about everything you do.' So when you go back from the seminar, from the book, from the guru who has told you all this beautiful stuff and you've listened, taken it in and actually participated and performed this beautiful stuff, you swam the ocean, you climbed the mountain, you confronted all these people and fell totally in love with l00 strangers and you couldn't believe that it all happened in six days and you came back and saw the lights went on and you were in love with everything and everybody in the universe. How did it so completely or so easily go away?

It goes away because it wasn't you. Somebody gave you a massage. But you have to have a massage every minute, every two hours to keep feeling that same feeling unless you're able to take every minute and participate in some incredible experience that's as good as the massage, so that the massage leads to playing the piano, leads to having sex, which leads to making money which leads to reading a book which leads to treating yourself to meditation and mantra, leads to an exercise, leads to a fast to a detox program, to going on a vacation, to going to the beach, to taking sauanas, on and on. That's why people love sex so much. As long as they can keep repeating that exciting act they feel they can always go back to the well and have that same feeling again. Ahh, that's wonderful. It doesn't last. After you've had sex with that woman one time or a hundred times, you want another one that's that good and start all over again. That's the snare, the trap that the ego creates for you.

When you don't see that it's all about you being 'as a little child,' gurgling with ecstasy all the time. Being in the Christ consciousness. Imagine an infant's selflessness. Totally tripping on the beauty of what's out there, the faces of the dear parents. Imagine the wholeness and the passion without anything like sex, food or play stations.

And at times when the river carries you to the big parties, the tailor's for a costly suit, it's about being in the world but not of it. Being able to be in the kingdom of heaven and God's righteousness, wisdom and knowledge and then not having to worry about anything being added onto you because it will automatically be added onto you because it's the automatic thing that once you're selfless, it means you're everything and everybody. The paradox comes true. Once you give up, everything of the ego and the frustration and the needs, the expectations and the frustration and you live in complete wholeness that this is all there is, oneness, abundance, then you become a different soul. Your soul then takes over. You become a different person and you become the soul. The soul takes over and the only passionate part of you is your soul, your spirit. And it no longer is excited about 50$ dinners at posh Cafes or new clothes. More interesting things start to engage you.

I spent a lot of time in China organizing a furniture reproduction factory, meeting people so exotic and simple that it made me want to learn Chinese so I could really get into their heads. We had a heart bond. We did business. The place was as exotic as Mars. At times I had to pinch myself that I was even there! What tide had brought me here? The excited part of you when life starts to grab at you and pull you in its tide, it's your soul, your spirit, your real self. This means only one thing. LET LIFE grab you. The secret in this book or in any book is 'kill the self, the mind, the thoughts, the constant agitation of wanting and desiring' the tinsel and not seeing that Life is trying to carry you to the gold field. Transfer all your attention from your crap habits and predilections. Use that quiet awareness, intuition and sensitivity for a change. Select the true gold activities or work, and you will look in the mirror and see your soul,  your real self. You will look at the people around you and see saints not posturing bums.

That soulular you that you meet in the mirror will be quiet, peaceful, loving and absolutely sure that all it wants to do is to participate, forward the action. That soulular you will be  happy, satisfied, fulfilled, show up as talented and attract fame and fortune. The only way you do that is to be --first and then out of beingness, do.

Then, all needs are met. Life is perfect. There's no place to go. You don't need to go anywhere because the only 'where' is here and the only 'when' is now and the only happiness is 'I am' and this ultimate idea of 'what about my bad habits, my past, that guilt, that pain, suffering and sorrow?' Well, at that altitude, you will be happy in spite of pain, guilt, suffering and sorrow. And those negative thoughts get pressed away from the center as you're busy in a new, beautiful now. Be accepting of traces of frustration as acceptance will transform it.Only the devils you push away pound you. The ones you wave and smile it, then turn away from see they can't get you rattled and they leave.

Now, freed of the dark judgement of self, you're going to flower, fruit, push yourself into playing the piano or going to the gym or communicating with someone or reading or exercising that tennis arm, your piano  fingers, your typing hands, your reading of great writers. You exercise eyes, brain, your will and knowing that the will of God, the mind of God, the Christ consciousness are just metaphors for you determining to be determined that you will be happy, flit the devil judgements off to the side and thusly blissful, do. You do because your being is manifesting in a visible fiery, joyous body which is  the only body that can create.

Don't be stuck with wasting your time and not creating when every minute is the time for creating, for reading the research, writing the book, for putting your most articulate and subtle philosophy into a form. This is the time for getting it all together, the time for getting it to a publisher, the time to garden. Be totally passionate and pleased.

So where is the breakdown, the failure in us? Where is the 'this isn't it' neg thought coming from? If being Jesus is so easy to do, why can't I do it? Well, wait a minute. First, it's not easy to be Jesus. It's something that takes practice. And there has to be a supreme motive. Something that fires you up so much that you will undertake reminding yourself twenty times a day not to have neg thoughts. Or have a life in a rut. Or dumb friends.

You want the true you to manifest, in hobbies, friends, right? So make the changeover because you're finally willing to be true to yourself.. The work is assisted by blasting free of the really disappointing people. Politely but firmly say adios. The changeover happens when you're willing to take the bull by the horns, and actually get up every day with gratitude, love and appreciation for the opportunity to participate in this grand adventure. Being Jesus.

The breakdown occurs when you go back into your thoughts that say 'I didn't do one important thing today. I don't like this life.  I'm bored. It's not good enough. I'm frustrated.' As soon as that occurs, you have to stop it, you have to catch the fact that maybe you're addicted to not being happy. Maybe you're addicted to worrying, to glowering, grumbling. Taking your dirty laundry out and telling tales on yourself, and especially incriminating your Usual Suspects to pals who are crazy enough to listen.

That person is habitually not able to change the direction in which he is going. He's carrying his issues in lead suitcases and as the old saying goes, if you don't change the direction in which you're going you're likely to end up where you're headed. You have to get on the train and ride it in the direction it's going. The train happens to be God's train. The angels, the lightbearers, the wise men, the poets, the artists, the creators, the fabulous geniuses, the amazing, evolved, high beings.. you have to get on their train. That train has been going and going since the beginning of the infinite no beginning.

You get on that train right now by ceasing the negatives, the grumbling, the identifying with everything ugly as if it were a recrimination from Perfect World and you'd Gotten an F in the class. Stop craving everything Perfect and start creating BETTER. Not perfect but BETTER. If you're not creating, what are you doing? I'll tell you what you should do when you're not creating: be sleeping or in repose, total meditation, in total silence. Everything else, frankly, is creating though, even in total silence and repose and meditation, there is a creative space. That is the space of possibility, the crucible, the context from which everything comes.

SO the breakdown occurs that you're still an ego, a self, a mind, still talking to yourself about 'I like and I don't want and I feel this and I do that that and you're opining, criticizing, judging and evaluating and fragmenting everything so that you're separate instead of one with and separation is unhappiness. Joining and being at one with is peace, joy and love.

***

DIALOGUE JULES and E.L.

Question: What is the breakdown? What is the yuk factor?
Answer: Going to sleep again and again." And what is sleep? "Listening to that yammering, negative voice of the ego.
And what is the voice saying? "It's beating me up? Telling stories. 'I can't do that. I don't know what to do. I'm not well equipped. It doesn't make sense to be here and do that.' That's the voice of the devil." It's the voice of the ego, which keeps you from being silent. You can't do anything about that voice. If you listen to it, then it's really hopeless. It's hopeless and meaningless of course, that's why you can't do anything about it. Don't analyze the yuk as you call it as that creates more yuk. You can't talk and analyze the why and the reason for something and have any power over it. Because reasons are powerless. They're not empowering. That's disempowering. Why are reasons disempowering. Because they aren't the reality. The reason that you feel hurt if you knew it, doesn't give you any power over being hurt or the experience which you had that hurt you or help in overcoming being hurt. The reason can't do anything about any of it, can it? It can only give you a 'but', an excuse, a reason. Therefore, it doesn't work to analyze and reason. Once you know it doesn't work to analyze the music lesson and reason it out, you'll stop. Yes, you will see the parts of it and take it apart and see all the nuances and reality of it but it will give you no power in being able to do it, perform it. So in the music metaphor, you have to play it over and over again, a thousand times until you can play that scale, that song and then, it's your own. The same thing in the realm of being able to do and create.

Knowing how is hopeless. You can know how to ride a bicycle, play tennis, drive a car, it gives no power. What gives you power is doing it, practicing hands on, passionately immersing yourself in it, the beingness that creates. This little trick, you have to almost eat your ego to death and kill it. Slay the slayer. The course in Miracles teaches that there are two opposed thought systems. That of the ego which most indulge in and that of the holy spirit which few accomplish. They are diametrically oppposed and you cannot be in the two at the same time. If you're living in your ego, there is no spirit and if you're living in your spirit, there is no ego.

So how do you live in your spirit as opposed to living in your ego? You have to give up every perception for an open silent awareness, being the blank canvas and approaching everything with full on passion and participation with no idea of what you're doing it for, where you're going or what you're going to get out of it.

The secret of the ego's survival mechanism, because it only has one motivation, that is to survive, because it knows if you survive, the holy spirit, you're going to kill the ego so the ego fights with everything possible, this illusion, this construct, this facade that you built to replace God called yourself, your personality, your ego, your defense mechanism, your survival only has one motivation. That is to kill you. Because it can't survive otherwise, that's how desperate it is.

It's very clear that transforming yourself into the holy spirit, your real self, to your higher self, is a 24 hour job of constant vigilance, scrutiny and impeccability of choosing to see.

That's why the course of Miracles has 365 lessons. As they go forward from lesson one to lesson thirty..... Lesson one says 'nothing I see from this room, from this window means anything.' By the time you get to lesson thirty it says I'm determined to see things differently.' And it also says 'if I defend myself, I am attacked and in my defenselessness, my safety lies." The breakdown occurs because you're still thinking, you haven't seen the rewards and the fruit of being passionate. You do things because you think you're going to get something out of it. You think that's the holy spirit or the ego? The ego. If you do things because you have a need to pay your rent and get this amount of money every month, who's doing that? You the soul, spirit or the ego? So all of those notions you have to be disabused of so that you can actually become a confident, courageous creator having no fear and no doubts with complete faith and certainty and commitment that there's nothing else for you to do except be artistic in life.

When I don't know who I am I serve you, when I know who I am, I am you.

You could be without a job, without a home, wouldn't everybody want you to be with them?

The realization is that you sold yourself to the devil. You sold your soul to the devil. And who's that? Your ego. And who bought it? You bought the ego. And you didn't know you did it, it's that insidious. And it's so stupid that you don't know that you lost yourself and you have gained yuk. And all you have to do is break down and give it up and surrender your ass to God even though you don't know what that means, and surrender your ass to a higher power even though you don't know what that means, and surrender yourself to selflessness, silence, no-idea of where you're going or what you're going to get, or what's going to happen and you don't know what that means. Surrender yourself to everything that's beauty, love, passion, creativity, work and go to school and study and give of yourself and serve and do what's in front of you and be the best at it and give of yourself and serve and do what's in front of you and be the best at it and absolutely say this is a project... I'm going to polish the car today and finish it in half an hour and do it and you start at the bumper and you end at the other bumper and it's done and you look at it and it's a job well done and you love it and you don't know what that means and it doesn't mean anything and you're not going anywhere and there's no place to go. The only train that you're getting on and riding the horse in the direction it's going is God's train which is going nowhere. In God's direction which is everywhere. And you're already it and all you have to do is remember, 'this is it and I'm willing to constantly give up this isn't it every time it rears its ugly head.' And there is no devil and there is no ego. It was made up and you were sleeping, making it up while you were awake observing it, observing yourself sleeping and observing yourself making it up, you've always been awake observing it and now you get to realize that you've always been awake and now you're awake and you realize you've always been awake and now you're not going to be like you were when you were asleep because you're awake. Before you didn't know you were awake. That's the paradox that constantly keeps on going and going. Until you see that you've always been this God self awake and there's nothing to do except to be. It's the whole game.

So you have to light yourself on fire to be flaming, to be a torch, to bring the light unto the world, to transform yourself and the world in the process. You have to be in flames. You have to en-lighten yourself up. You have to be the vibratory frequency of the most powerful beings in the universe. One of my favorite mantras since I was young, 'my heart is one with hierarchy, never separate. My heart is one with the most powerful beings in the universe, never separate. My heart is one with the masters of the universe, never separate. My heart is one with the mind of God, the power and the love and the consciousness of Christ never separate.

The most misunderstood thing is, that we don't know that everything comes from nothing. We don't have to deserve it, we don't have to earn it, we don't have to beg for it, work for it, all we have to do is accept that everything, all our good, comes from nothing and nothing is our real self, is the essence of the universe, the invisible realm, the context, the God's power is nothing and all of the galaxies and planets and trees and flowers and animals and beings were created from nothing. So when you live in the crucible of this flaming being, it's the crucible of nothing because from nothing comes energy and energy is the strongest thing in the world and from energy comes vibration and atoms and molecules which form themselves into form and that's how everything comes from nothing. So avail yourself of knowing that everything great that will ever happen to you will come from nothing just as it will come from nothing for me, and it came from nothing for Jesus and it came from nothing for Van Gogh, and it came from nothing for Chopin and Barbra Streisand or Walt Whitman or Buddha. Barbara Streisand once told me.. I said well how did you ever learn how to sing like that? She said 'I never learned. I was born with these ears. And I had to stuff them with cotton when I was in New York." The frequencies and the sounds I would hear were so high they would drive her nuts and she'd have to quiet it down. So it came from nothing. Some life, some place where she was....where she said I want to be this great voice and she was born with it. Where Mozart said "I want to be this great master musician" and then, he was born with it. So when you say 'I'm going to be this great blah blah blah,' you will be born again with it. In the now because there's only now. Forever and ever. When you die it will be now. When you don't die, it will be now. If you live forever it will be now. And forever you have lived and it was always now. So let us accept our infinite presence as the power and the energy and the light and the life of God as my life, your life and let us share this to bring about the transformation, the revelation, the new age, the thousand years of peace. The beauty of the Garden of Eden and the kingdom of heaven, here on this planet, now, now.

Everything you do for yourself or to other people, is not because you want something or you have to have something or need to change them or transform them but because you love them so much, you tell them the truth, you give them the kernels of what you see to them because you're their mirror and you can't hold yourself back because you're so passionate about their ability to be happy and joyful and go to the kingdom of heaven and live in peace forever. You don't hold yourself back because people don't like you. Do you think Jesus cared if people liked him? Did Buddha care if people liked him? Did Buddha care when he left his wife, his palace, his children, his father and disappeared to just go and see the truth? And then came back and told them, 'I found the great truths, they're nothing, they're valueless but they're everything. I don't want the palace, I don't want to be King, I don't want the family, I don't need anything, I love you, goodbye."

He was immersed in the ocean of wisdom, passion.

***

What's the difference between realizing something, actualizing it and knowing it? Realizing and actualizing something is to actually realize that you are in the work of producing and creating exactly what you visualize, what you affirm, what you wanted, what you desired, what vision and commitment you have, that you actually really actualize and realize and produce the table, the lamp, the piece of music, produce the great relationships, produce the joy inside your life, produce the peace and love that manifests as your inner being, rather than knowing which is a state of separation. Thinking is a state of separation. In other words, I know that's what I want, I think that's what I want. I feel that's what I want. That's where I'm going, etc. A conversation of separation. Now real knowing and real truth, there is no separation. I and my father become one. Me and the music, me and the table, me and the lamp, me and the relationship, me and the Buddha become one. And that oneness is in the actualizing and realizing of it, that you are the power and the creator of it and then you see it manifesting proving the process that God is you. It's only words to describe a state which is the opposite of death, boredom, frustration, anger, upset, failure, sorrow, depression which nobody wants. Get addicted to happiness with your life, success, love, relationship, harmony. Set yourself afire; be the flame reprsentation of God's wisdom, God's mind, magic, miracles. I am that, you are that. We are that. Where two or more are gathered in my name, (in the name of God or Jesus,) I am there also. That's the power, the power of one becomes the power of two which becomes the power of fifty.

If you still remain in 'how to do it,' how to get there, how to be it, what is missing that does not show up for you as missing is that it only takes the commitment to be and to constantly recommit and remake the promise to be it, to be the source of it and to be the manifestation of it, in spite of the fact you don't see 'it' showing up as a result or in form. You don't see the money, the success, the power. You don't see yourself totally complete but you give up anything that isn't that belief and faith in the complete letting go of everything that is not it, that is not what you truly want as your heart's desire as the vision that you have for yourself. You give up everything and as you evolve you finally have nothing more to give up except to just be in the space of receiving all of this, everything that is. And all that is will be the way it is right now. And there's nothing else. You're perfect right now. You're powerful right now. You have all the equipment, all the tools, all the intelligence, all the talents. As soon as you drop anything that says you don't. As soon as you drop "I don't have," as soon as you drop "I'm not there." As soon as you drop "I wish it could be better." As soon as you drop "I need my rent." As soon as you drop "I have failed." As soon as you drop "I want to be successful." As soon as you drop it all, and allow yourself to be okay, perfect, right now the way it is, nothing will change. It will just be a repetition, a habitual addiction to the old self. So just push it out of the way. Push that old car off the road and put that new car up there and start driving it. That new car is just made out of pure belief, faith, light, awareness, commitment, love and peace and drive it away, every day. And never look back.

Nothing will ever get better or change or be different. It's only when you finally do not allow any shit in your life again. Then you will realize, you've made the complete difference, you've made the complete shift. That's called transformation. As long as you keep on living in the shit and you don't clean your toilet and your bathroom, it will stink and you won't like it and you won't be happy. So that's the metaphor for your mind. As long as there's shit there and don't clean it out and make it pure and pristine, it will stink and you won't like it and you won't be happy. So you might as well start now to throw it all out, everything away, never look at it again. Put it in the garbage can, flush it down the toilet and have a perfectly clean, pristine mind an open receptacle, a channel for the wisdom and the power of the universal mind called God.

Then you'll be happy, passionate, perfect, you'll never worry. You will only create And then you will never ask another question like 'why, how?' Because that is why and how.

You already know the truth. You are already awake. You have all this knowledge and when you read a book you feel that you already knew it. I should have known that. I could have. I would have. The biggest rationalization in the universe and it makes you look like a fool. I knew all this. I knew I should have been happy. I knew I shouldn't have worried about money. I know I could have done very great things. I know I could have been happy and spiritually enlightened.

When we live with the virus and pain and paralysis inside because of negative beliefs paying attention and being aware of the specific thing you've been doing, which is covering up what you would have been doing, had you been smart, attentive, aware, conscious of the practical way to accomplish your heart's desire, you wouldn't have been wasting time hating yourself for not doing it. The essence of what we're talking about is here in this crucible, this context of reality. That the only thing that will ever move the great ship of state, the big ocean liner and turn it around into the direction of going toward perfection and God and absolute peace and love is when you move the little lever or dial.... what is that trim tab in consciousness? It is only putting your attention on the discipline that I am already this. I am already the mind of God. I am now the Christ consciousness and I have always been and I have always been awake to that fact and that reality and nothing else exists and therefore now I can move the ship of state in the direction I've wanted to go and here I am in peace, harmony, happiness, ecstasy about the whole game. There is nothing to do and I'm already there and it's turned out and it's perfect.

A spider creates that perfect web with no thought, just being. Automaticity, its own, inherited, Godlike power. And if a spider can make a web that gorgeous, you can create any book, any music, any house, any body and any state of emotional relationship that you want in the three dimensional world. Dualism, a misunderstood word, is just being separate from that fact. When you say maybe I can, but maybe I can't. Or I am this but maybe I'm that. All that dualistic belief or thinking is just separation from your true nature, God. From yourself --a separation that allows anything except perfection to be what is.

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